


Living In The Past

by lokixarchangel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, for like the first five chapters, i don't know how to tag, i'm aware gabriel is ooc for a bit, lots of rape during flashbacks, lucifer is a bad guy, very dark, very gory during flashbacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-03-07 21:10:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13443453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokixarchangel/pseuds/lokixarchangel
Summary: Gabriel was kidnapped at a young age for a sex trafficking ring and turned into a "performer". He has had to watch the only people he knew be sold or die. Finally, at the age of 18, he was rescued and he now has to readjust to human life. How do you do that when everyone had accepted your death? And the boy you had a crush on is now engaged? How do you readjust to life, when life has been turned upside down? Gabriel doubts he'll ever find out.





	1. I won't be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Very dark flashbacks that are in Italics if you need to skip through.

Gabriel stepped off the curb and crossed the street, hands stuffed in his pocket. He was headed to his therapist appointment. He had dark circles under his eyes this time from nightmares keeping him awake the night before. 

“I’m Gabriel Shurley? I have an appointment with Ellen?” He said to the lady at the front desk, though it was pointless. She already knew him, given he had already been there several times. 

“First door.” She smiled, gestured. He quietly thanked her before heading to that door, knocking once before heading in, sitting down on the couch. He fidgeted with the zipper on his jacket, biting his lip.

Soon, Ellen was there and she sat down, getting out her clipboard as usual and smiling warmly. “Hello, Gabe. You been feeling better?”

He shrugged and looked up at her. “So, so. Nightmares are getting worse.”

“That’s understandable and to be expected. Contrary to popular belief, something like this takes time to get over.” She smiled, sympathetically, before writing something down. “So, where did we leave off, last time… Ah, yes, you were telling me about… Hell?” 

Gabriel frowned. This was her form of therapy. He told her everything that he’d been through. He had to admit, it actually helped. Kept him from staying permanently shut in his own mind. Especially since he had no one to tell. “Oh, yeah. Hell was… it was an experience. You got sent down to hell for a variety of reasons. It wasn’t even really a place. It was more an extreme punishment. I was only sent down once…”

 

_ “Up. Up!” A guard ordered Gabriel, yanking him up.  _

_ The omega woke up, very confused, before crying out in pain as the guard squeezed his arm tightly. “I said, up!” Gabriel immediately got up before he was hurt more, wrapping his arms around himself as a chain was attached to the collar around his neck.  _

_ “Where are we going?” He mumbled before getting backhanded across the face.  _

_ “Did I tell you that you could speak?!” The guard growled as Gabriel held his face, whimpering. He shook his head, looking down. He didn’t dare say he was sorry before being yanked out of his cell. He silently followed the guard to a room, biting his lip after a moment. _

_ Once in the room, his eyes widened as he looked around. The room was bathed in red light and had about fifty people sitting at tables, eating. They had masks covering their eyes and were all chatting. Their voices were drowned out by Gabriel’s own fear as his chain was attached to the wall by a chair.  _

_ “Sit.” He was shoved into the chair and tied to it. He didn’t struggle, already knowing it was useless. He just took deep breaths and settled in for whatever torture he was going to be subjected to.  _

_ After a moment, the chatter died down when a man entered the room, grinning. Gabriel didn’t hear what he was saying, his own heartbeat drowning out noise. His heart was pounding. He couldn’t see straight. He closed his eyes to fix his vision before deciding to keep them closed.  _

_ That didn’t last long, however, as soon, the man yanked his hair. “Open your eyes, you little bitch. Come on, let everyone see those eyes. Everyone can smell the fear rolling off you.” _

_ Gabriel tried not to recoil in fear and disgust, blinking open his eyes. “S-sir--” He was cut off by another backhand.   _

_ “Nobody told you to speak, whore.” He growled, putting a gag in Gabriel’s mouth. Gabriel’s eyes widened at the insult and pain and he cried out again when his hair was yanked, again. “Now. Keep your eyes open. Got it?”  _

_ Gabriel nodded, quickly, making sure his eyes stayed open as the man walked away, coming back with a hot fire poker. Gabriel’s eyes somehow widened again when he saw the bright red end and he started to panic again. ‘No, no, no, no-’ His thoughts were cut off by a searing pain and he screamed, vision blacking out.  _

_ When he came to reality again, he heard laughing and more chatter before screaming again as the hot poker was pressed to his skin, again. He struggled to get away from the heat, from the pain, but he was trapped. He tried to kick, but his legs couldn’t move. And when he tried to move his head, the spikes around his neck in his collar dug in. He was already dripping blood down his chest.  _

_ The man went to press the poker to his skin again before stopping as he heard Gabriel’s name being called. Gabriel felt his shoulder being shook. “Gabriel.” _

_ “Gabriel!” _

 

“Gabriel!” Ellen managed to drag him out of the memory, finally. “You okay?”

Gabriel blinked a moment before nodded, “yeah- yeah. I’m fine. Sorry. Zoned out.”

“You did it again, didn’t you?” She frowned as Gabriel sheepishly nodded. “Why don’t you tell me about it, next week. Let’s end this session, early? Okay? You look exhausted.” 

Gabriel nodded a bit and quietly thanked her before getting up and leaving. He yawned a bit as he said goodbye to the lady at the front desk. For a moment, he almost forgot to wait for the sign, but remembered at the last minute. 

Ellen’s first task had been to get Gabriel readjusted to “human life.” As if going through what he did made him no longer human. Don’t get him wrong, he knew she had good intentions, just, sometimes, she worded said intentions wrong. Sometimes. He ran a hand down his face, continuing to walk. 

As he walked, he realized, he didn’t want to be alone at the moment. Unfortunately, not being alone, would mean interaction. And possibly having to answer questions that he didn’t want to answer. For the first five months, he was plagued by the media, constantly asking questions. He had refused to leave his house for a good month, having his friend Sam bring his groceries. 

Sam didn’t ask questions. Gabriel was grateful for that. Maybe Sam wouldn’t mind hanging out? Unless he was with that bitch of a fiance, Ruby. His heart ached at the thought of Ruby. 

Ruby was a Beta. Sam was an Alpha. Some Alphas preferred Betas to Omegas, due to several factors. Gabriel had never asked Sam about this, not quite wanting to know the answer. He had had a crush on Sam when they were close in high school. They had been best friends before he had been taken. When he had been rescued, he had found out Sam was engaged. He had to admit, he blocked Sam out a lot because of this. But, Sam had treated him differently, too. So, he never felt guilty. 

Gabriel took a breath before getting out his phone and dialing Sam’s number, putting the phone to his ear. He was at his apartment building, so he started climbing the stairs until he got to his floor. His apartment was near the stairs; a safety measure. He was still terrified of being taken again, so he made sure to limit that risk. He jumped from surprise, dropping his keys, when Sam answered. “Hello?” He hummed, clearly smiling. 

“Sam! Hey! Um… I just got back from my-” 

“Ruby stop. Come on, we gotta get ready.” Sam chuckled. “Sorry, Gabe. What were you saying?” 

Gabriel felt his mood dampen more and his shoulders slumped. But, he faked a smile for his tone, unlocking his door and heading in. “Nothing. Sorry. Just wanted to check up on you. You sound good, though. So, I’m gonna go. Sorry for bothering you. Have a nice afternoon. Bye.” He quickly hung up, putting his keys in the bowl and kicking the door shut. 

Snickers, his little jack russell terrier, came running over to greet him. He gave a weak smile to the hyper dog, crouching down to pick him up. “Hey buddy. Miss me?” He murmured, petting him. The dog had been a therapy pet, but he was probably one of Gabriel’s only friends. A sad thought. But true. 

He had picked the dog because they had similar backgrounds. Snickers had been stolen from his home as well and illegally trafficked in dog fighting rings. He felt the little dog might understand him a bit. He kissed the dog’s head. “Could you eat? I could eat. Let’s get some food.” 

He set the dog down, getting out the dog food. He realised he’d have to go grocery shopping. For both of them it seemed, as he looked for his own food, only having several cup of noodles. “Noodles it is.” he mumbled, sighing, and getting down one of the cups.

Snickers barked and Gabriel realised he had forgotten to fill his bowl with food. His phone rang and he turned it off without checking who it was, before scooping food into Michief’s bowl. He put the bag back before petting Snickers again and heating up the noodles, yawning a bit. “How about a movie and maybe a nap?” He asked the dog, heading to the living room. He sat down with his noodles, grabbing the remote. Several movies were off the list of options, so he just picked a disney movie, curling up and eating. 

He fell asleep halfway through the movie, the empty noodle cup discarded on the floor. He was curled up on his side, having pulled a blanket over himself. 

 

When Gabriel hung up the phone, Sam had been confused. He seemed so abrupt. And, vaguely, he feared he might have accidentally set Gabriel back a bit. “Shit.” He muttered. He went to try and call him back before being stopped by Ruby’s hand on his arm. 

She smiled. “We have a reservation, remember?” 

“Yeah. Sorry. I have to call him back, though. It might be bad for his mental health if I don’t.” 

“Why? He can wait a couple of hours, can’t he?” Ruby sighed, rolling her eyes and taking her hand back. “I guess we’ll be late, then.” She went and plopped on the couch, crossing her arms and sitting back. 

Sam ignored his fiance and called Gabriel, even more concerned when he didn’t answer. He sighed and just sent a text before gesturing for Ruby to come with him to the car. Ruby grinned and followed him. “I told you he could wait.” 

He opened her door for her, helping her in. He hesitated when he went to open his own door. “That’s the problem,” he muttered, “I don’t think he can.” He sighed and finally got in the car, starting it before driving.

 

_ “Hey. Kid. Come to the bars.” A voice whispered to Gabriel. He jumped from surprise but went to the bars, blindly feeling around.  _

_ “Um… Hello?” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes. If they were open. It was pitch black down there and he couldn’t see anything. Occasionally, a surge of power would happen and the lights would temporarily flash. That was how he knew he had bars. He rubbed at the area where the spikes in his collar had dug into his neck, wincing.  _

_ “Hey. Are you hungry?” He heard kindness and a smile in the voice. It sounded femine and was soft.  _

_ “Kinda… They haven’t let me had any food…” He rubbed his stomach. A power surge happened and for a brief second, he could see who was talking to him. A girl who was definitely older than him and had long black hair was sitting near the bars. He jumped back from how close she was. _

_ “Put your hands through the two largest gaps at the bottom. Let me know when you do that.” She quietly told him. He quickly nodded and felt around before putting his hands through. He couldn’t help but feel scared that this was a trick.  _

_ “I did it.” He was very quiet and ready to yank his hands back at the first sign of pain. A few things were pressed into his hands. He blinked at the cool feel of tin foil and a more rough feel of something else.  _

_ “Okay, keep a good grip on these and pull your hands back.” She whispered. Gabriel quickly pulled his hands back and bit his lip. “Chocolate and an orange. I’ll try to bring you a bottle of water, later. Hey, are you afraid of fire?”  _

_ “No… Why?”  _

_ “Here. Put a hand back out.”  _

_ He had to feel around a bit, but managed to put his hand back out, feeling plastic pressed into it. He took his hand back, feeling around the small object and realizing it was a lighter. “Thank you… What’s your name? If I’m allowed to ask?” _

_ “Hanna. What’s yours?” She had a very sweet voice. Like sugar. It was high pitched, but not annoyingly so. Not nasally.  _

_ “G-Gabriel… At least, I think so. Everything is so fuzzy.” He mumbled.  _

_ “That’s the drugs. Don’t worry. You’ll gain everything back in a few more weeks.” He could hear another smile. He jumped when he heard loud yelling. “Quickly put them under your pillow! Don’t let them see what I gave you!”  _

_ Gabriel’s eyes widened and he quickly did as told, stuffing the items under the pillow. He heard the yelling get closer before he saw lights and several men stop outside his cell. One of them, he recognized as the man who pressed a hot poker to his skin. He immediately hid under his bed.  _

_ “Hanna, why are you out of bed?” The man sighed.  _

_ “Sorry, father. I just had heard that you had gotten a new one and I was hoping to see him. I wanted to see if he was as pathetic as you said he was.” She sounded like she was pouting. _

_ “You need to ask, first. Come on, off to bed.” The lights went off and he heard footsteps fade. When they did, he crawled back out and got out the small orange from under his pillow. He struggling to open it for a moment before using a broken piece of rock from the wall. He almost cried when he swallowed the first piece, before finishing the rest pretty fast. He tore off a piece of his blanket and put the chocolate in it, hiding it under the bed. He then laid down, falling asleep with a smile.  _

 

“Alrighty… Chicken or beef…” Gabriel mumbled, looking at the two types of ramen. “I could have something that tastes nothing like chicken and something that tastes nothing like beef. How about I get both?” He sighed and put both boxes in the cart. 

He then moved on the fresh produce. Ramen was cheap, so it was always first on his list. He got some vegetables, in case he ever felt like actually cooking. Or had to pretend he was alright for his family. Then it was tv dinners and lots and lots of pastas. Pasta was also cheap and there was fifty thousand ways to make it. So, it got pretty high up on the list, too.

“Snickers needs more dog food.” He reminded himself, heading to the pet aisle before shaking his head. “I’ll take him to Petsmart. He can actually go in and we’ll look at the fish and kittens together.” He hummed. 

Yeah, he talked to himself a lot. It was a coping mechanism to help with the loneliness. And, it distracted him from thinking too hard. “Shit. Have to go to dinner at my family’s house. Can’t back out this time. God, Naomi’s gonna be there.” He muttered, shaking his head. He rolled his eyes and got another canned sauce and some mushrooms. He then went up to pay, getting out his money. 

He worked for 11 dollars an hour and, since he literally did not go out and do anything other than spend a ton on candy and alcohol, he had a good amount of money. He handed the cashier the cash when he finished ringing everything up. “It’s getting cold, isn’t it.” He smiled kindly at Gabriel. The interaction surprised him. He looked to be barely nineteen and smelled like young alpha. 

“Yeah. Heard it’s supposed to drop below freezing.” He attempted to interact back, smiling politely. 

“Well, uh… Bundle up!” He smiled brightly and waved as Gabriel took his bags and left. He went to his car, that he rarely used except for these instances, and put everything in the trunk. He wasn’t too much older than the alpha. He was only 22. Funny how a story is going through the grieving process of someone so young, huh? 

Gabriel got in the car and started driving, checking his receipt and furrowing his eyebrows at a neatly written phone number. How had he missed him writing that? Whatever. He crumbled the receipt and tossed it into the backseat. “Sorry, kid. Not looking for anything like that.” He mumbled, focusing on the road. 

When he got to his apartment building, he carried all the bags upstairs, frowning when the door was already unlocked. “Shit, I must have forgotten to lock it…” He mumbled, heading in. He went straight to the kitchen and set the bags on the counter before looking for Snickers. “Snickers! Buddy?” He called. 

The small dog came running out of Gabriel’s bedroom, wagging his tail. “There you are, buddy! Hi!” He smiled brightly at the dog and crouched down, petting him. “Ready to go pick some food out for you?” 

Snickers yipped and wagged his tail more. Gabriel grinned and picked him up, getting the leash. He hesitated at the sight of the leash and shook his head, putting it back. “I won’t do that to you.” He mumbled, starting to head out again after quickly putting away refrigerated items. He set Snickers in the passenger seat before getting in the driver’s seat. 

It was a short drive to Petsmart and soon, Gabriel was getting out Snickers and walking inside. He pet him as he carried him around, furrowing his brows at all the bags. “Okay… How about you pick?” He murmured to the dog. “Chicken or beef?” 

Snickers yipped and Gabriel chuckled. “Both? Okay, then…” He got two medium sized bags, putting them in the cart. He then also put Snickers in a cart. He then also put Snickers in the cart, starting to look around the store. “I honestly have nothing better to do, I guess.” He sighed, pushing the cart through the aisles. He got Snickers a few sweaters and went to look at the rescue kittens. Snickers was good around cats, due to not living with one.

“Let’s go home.” He smiled at Snickers, paying for everything. He loaded it into the car and headed home. On the way, his phone rang, so he answered. “Hello?”

“Hey! It’s Sam.” 

“Oh, hey Sam.” He felt an easy smile take over his lips. “How are you?” 

“I’m great! Me and Ruby are looking at wedding venues.” 

Gabriel’s smile disappeared and he felt tired all over again. “Really? That sounds… nice…” He mumbled, parking when he got to the building and putting his head back. Snickers climbed into his lap and Gabriel petted him, closing his eyes. “Sorry, did you need anything specific?” 

“No…” He heard a frown in Sam’s voice, but ignored it. “I just wanted to check on you. We haven’t spoken much, have we?” 

“Well, not really. Sorry, I have to go. I have to get this food inside. I hope you and Ruby have fun with your venues.” 

“Wait, Gabe. Would you want to hang out this Saturday?” 

“Oh… Sam, I’m sorry. I have plans, surprisingly.” 

“Oh, that’s- what? Oh my god, that’s great! With who?”

“Family? Dad said I wasn’t allowed to back out this time.” He smiled weakly and yawned a bit. “Sorry, I really have to go. Bye.” 

“That’s good.” He smiled before frowning again. “Oh. Alright. Bye. Miss you.”

“Miss you, too.” He smiled a bit before hanging up and sighing. “People suck. Come on. Another night of falling asleep on the couch watching Friends reruns.” He got out and headed inside with the bags. 

He put everything away and sighed, wondering if he should check in with his brother. He just shrugged. “I’ll call him, tomorrow.” He sat down on the couch and laid back on it, turning on the tv. He turned on a tv show and pulled a blanket over himself, reaching to turn off the lamp.


	2. I give up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel struggles through the memories and a family dinner. Along with getting a suit for Sam's wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS. VERY GRAPHIC AND THERE IS RAPE IN THIS CHAPTER.

Gabriel hesitated before knocking on the door and taking a deep breath. He had a small dish of pasta in his hands, bouncing nervously. He hadn’t sat down for dinner with his father and all of his brothers in a long time. They’d always been too busy, or Gabriel was in a hospital, or Chuck was on a trip.

He had obsessed over looking normal and “okay” for this dinner. He didn’t want to worry anyone. He had brushed his hair out and washed it really good, but didn’t bother with any product or styling. He was in a star wars tee shirt and purple jeans, having impulsively bought them a couple months before and never worn them. And, he only had one pair of shoes; a pair of ratty old converse. 

When Chuck opened the door, Gabriel attempted a smile. Chuck immediately hugged him. Gabriel had to resist the urge to cling to the familiar contact and sank into it instead, leaning forward as his father pulled from the embrace. Chuck smiled brighter and Gabriel knew he had expected him to push him away. 

Gabriel lamely held up the dish, attempting a stronger smile. “You said to bring something, so I brought pasta… Is Cas here?” 

“Of course. He’s helping to cook the rest. And, pasta will fit perfectly in with the rest of the meal.” Chuck patted Gabriel’s shoulder before gently taking the dish and carrying it to the kitchen. 

Gabriel relaxed, a bit relieved. He followed him in, smelling chicken. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had an actual meal. Not even after he got back. He withdrew and rarely ate with other people. So, it’d been a while. 

Cas immediately ran over to hug Gabriel, grinning. “You came. I’m glad.” Gabriel hugged back, once again sinking into the embrace and closing his eyes. He was trying not to seem touch-starved and was grateful when Cas made it last a little longer than normal before pulling away. 

Gabriel offered to help cook and Cas set him to work with peeling potatoes, happily chatting with his brother. Gabriel realised how much he had missed this and relaxed again as part of the neverending ache laxed up. He chatted back, having a small easy smile after a couple moments. 

Cas knew not to bring up certain things and Gabriel was grateful when he avoided them. Soon, Chuck joined the conversation, helping Gabriel out and showing tons of fatherly affection, which Gabriel was also grateful for. 

After a while, their brothers slowly started to arrive, each carrying their own dish. Their sisters even showed up, though they left their husbands at home. Gabriel stayed in the kitchen, too sheepish to admit he was kind of hiding. Even though they were only his brothers, fifteen was a huge number in that small dining room. 

Eventually, though, he sacked up and joined everyone at the table. A few brothers happily greeted him, some ignored him, and others avoided his eyes. Gabriel sat down between Chuck and Cas. He put food on his plate and immediately started eating while the rest of his family chatted with each other. 

Gabriel stayed silent, mostly, and listened, tapping his foot. His mind strayed to his dog for a moment before coming back to dinner. He looked down at his plate and bit his lip, having already finished a first plate. He waited until everyone was preoccupied, before getting a bit more, mostly out of habit. He was used to having to sneak food, still. Especially with meals like this.

Gabriel saw Chuck frown out of the corner of his eye and withdrew back in on himself, frowning as well. He just went back to eating before hearing his father speak. “So, Gabe. How’s everything been?” 

Gabriel just shrugged, furrowing his brows. He wasn’t sure how to answer that. “Um… I got a job, a couple of months ago. It’s at the library, so it’s quiet. It pays eleven an hour, but I want to pick up a second at the convenience store so I can afford to get a second dog.” And, mostly to kill the endless free time he had. 

“That’s good! Very good! I’m glad for you.” Chuck patted Gabriel’s shoulder before continuing to eat. 

Lucifer snorted. “Why the library? I thought you loved loud spaces.”

Gabriel cringed. “Well… not anymore. Sensory overload.” 

“Oh, right. Your “anxiety.”” Lucifer made finger quotes and snorted. Gabriel cringed into himself and got silent again as Chuck glared. 

Cas rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Lucifer. You know very well it’s not because of that. It’s because of his adhd. Which, you have, too. So stick it.” 

Gabriel frowned, not wanting them to start a fight because of him. “Cas, I’m fine,” he whispered and looked down.

“Maybe so. But, he doesn’t have to be a jerk.” Cas sighed and whispered back before continuing to eat. Gabriel shrugged a bit and continued to eat as well. 

After a moment, Cas got up to grab the dessert, which Gabriel had been kind of excited about. It was a massive chocolate cake with bright blue white cream cheese icing. Gabriel smiled tiny bit, again, when Cas brought it out and set it down. He got Gabriel a big piece, first, just to make sure he would get one, before letting the rest dig in.

Gabriel melted when he took the first bite, closing his eyes. Homemade chocolate cake. Not boxed. Not store bought. Home. Made. Gabriel was in heaven. He had to be. He hadn’t had something this rich in a long time and he knew his stomach was going to protest, later. But, for right now, he didn’t care. 

Cas chuckled, softly. “You’re welcome. I made it with you in mind. I’m glad you like it.” Gabriel smiled a bit more and mumbled a thank you as he continued eating. 

When everyone was done and had left, Gabriel helped Cas clear the table, thanking him several times for different things. He also thanked Chuck as well. And, when it was time for him to go home, they both hugged Gabriel tightly before he left. 

Gabriel drove home, having had the foresight to know he shouldn’t walk home at night. He relaxed a bit as he drove.  _ Maybe things would be okay… _ He thought, as he drove. That thought brought another smile to his face and he turned on the radio, plugging his phone into it. 

When he got home, he dropped his keys in the bowl before double locking the door and petting Snickers’ head, yawning a bit. “I had a good night,” he told him as he filled his water. Snickers yipped and wagged his tail, following him back to the bedroom.

Gabriel got quickly changed and laid down after turning on his fairy lights, yawning again. Snickers jumped onto the bed and curled up by Gabriel. Gabriel smiled sleepily and pet his back, slowly drifting off to sleep. 

 

_ Gabriel’s head was yanked from the tub of water and Gabriel gasped for air, only able to let water into his mouth, due to the contraption in his mouth that kept him from closing it. The alpha torturing him smelled like old, stale alcohol and vomit. Probably Gabriel’s vomit. Gabriel choked a bit as the alpha’s cock was forced through the contraption into his mouth.  _

_ He had a firm grip on his hair and, even though Gabriel struggled to get away, he kept his head still. The alpha smirked and growled, “you look so pretty dripping wet and terrified. You just gotta learn not to say no, don’t you?”  _

_ Gabriel gagged again before letting out a painful breath of relief as the alpha pulled his cock out. Gabriel hoped he was done, but immediately lost that hope as his head was shoved back into the water. His vision was blurry this time as his head came out and his eyes stung from the water that Gabriel was sure had bleach or chlorine in it.  _

_ Gabriel struggled to see as he was thrown to the ground, too weak to move. He just coughed and threw up in the floor, again. The alpha laughed and spread his legs, shoving a finger inside Gabriel’s ass, making the omega tense up, immediately.  _

_ He attempted to struggle away again, but just ended up coughing from the exertion. His hair stuck to his forehead and Gabriel gave up, closing his eyes as the finger was pulled out and the alpha’s cock was stuck inside. Gabriel cried out, not used to it, and tensed up more, whimpering from the pain.  _

_ The alpha laughed, again, and slapped Gabriel’s thigh before pulling out and grabbing Gabriel by the hair, shoving his head into the water, but deeper. He then also slammed back inside of Gabriel, making Gabriel grab the sides of the tub and struggle again, screaming into the water.  _

_ The alpha started to thrust in and out and Gabriel beat on the sides, gasping as his head was pulled out for a moment before getting shoved right back in. Gabriel sobbed while his head was in the tub of water, beating at the sides again.  _

_ The alpha slapped his back, which was all torn up from a whipping the day before, and it hurt so bad, Gabriel blacked out from everything combined.  _

_ When he came to, he was on the floor, vision still blurry from the water. He attempted to look around, failing, and closed his eyes. He felt himself be lifted and the contraption yanked out of his mouth before being dragged somewhere. He whimpered, coughing again.  _

_ He got a new pair of panties slipped on him. He already knew what colour they were; black. He was forcefully laid on his cot, on his back, and he cried out before he was lifted up again and bandaged up.  _

_ The people in charge were smart. They knew if wounds were left unattended for too long, the performers would die. Gabriel knew this as well. And, it made him want to scream louder. Why couldn’t they just let him die?! He sobbed as he was laid back down, on his side this time.  _

_ “Shut up.” He was backhanded and he made himself stop crying, curling into himself. “Good boy…” Instead of being backhanded, his hair was stroked, lightly, before he was left alone. _

 

Gabriel woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air and feeling like his head was still submerged. It took him a moment to realise he was just in his apartment, and had luckily not woken up his dog.

He got up and took a breath, going to the kitchen and sighing. He got himself some ice water, closing his eyes as he leaned against the counter. He reminded himself he was safe. He was okay. He wasn’t going to be hurt like that, soon. 

After a while, he relaxed and went back to bed, laying down and looking at the ceiling. So much for things being okay. He rolled onto his side, imagining a deep sting in his back and closed his eyes. He slowly managed to fall asleep, after an hour of nonstop thinking. 

 

He woke up to Cas calling him. “Hey, just called to remind you that we’re going tuxedo shopping in an hour with Sam and the rest of the groomsmen. I’ll pick you up in forty five minutes. Ruby won’t be there.” Cas hung up and Gabriel groaned. 

He slowly got up and rubbed his eyes, trying to keep them open long enough to get to the bathroom. He still was feeling the after effects of his nightmare, trying to ignore the psychosomatic pain in his back. 

Okay. Forty five minutes. He could take a quick shower in that time. But, first, he has serious;y gotta brush his teeth. He fumbled around for the toothbrush, brushing his teeth as he went downstairs and made coffee. He then spit in the trash before going back to the bathroom and finishing, rinsing his mouth before running a shower and stepping in. 

He made sure not to look at himself as he slowly ran a soapy sponge over himself, closing his eyes and leaning against the wall. He breathed slowly as the water, burning hot, ran over his skin and turned it red, his mind wandering. 

_ “Kid. Kid!” He heard whispered from outside his cell. He slowly got up and went to the bars, rubbing his eyes and sitting down. He already knew who it was. She had already visited him a few times, before.  _

_ She turned on a flashlight so Gabriel could see, making him wince from the sudden light. She smiled a bit. “Sorry. Thought you might want to see. Still can’t talk?” Gabriel shook his head. He tried but ended up coughing and wincing.  _

_ “Don’t try. Here.” She slipped a bag through the bars and into Gabriel’s hand. Gabriel immediately opened it to find a couple of fruits and a few tea lights with some big matches and another lighter. He did as he usually did to thank her, which she had asked. He got close to a bigger opening in the door so she could reach through and pet his hair.  _

_ She smiled and put her hand through, running a hand through his already dirty hair. He’d be bathed, again, tomorrow. “I’m talking to my dad to see about making you my pet. It’s a better life than you have here. And, he likes you. So, he’ll most likely say yes.” She continued to pet his hair before handing him a sandwich through the bars.  _

_ Gabriel frowned at the word pet, but got distracted by the sandwich and immediately tore off the saran wrap, starting to eat. “Slow down.” She told him and he immediately did so, nuzzling up into her hand.  _

_ She chuckled, softly, and murmured, “good boy…” She continued to stroke his hair as he ate. As she did so, she put tiny braids in his hair, humming softly. Gabriel relaxed deeply from the affection, closing his eyes and getting sleepy.  _

_ Hanna took them out and pulled him back so she could kiss his head before telling him to go to bed. “I’ll get my father to give you a break, tomorrow. Just a simple bathing and petting, so you look pretty for your first day.” Gabriel nodded a bit and went to his cot, laying down and closing his eyes.  _

_ “Sleep well, pup…” She whispered as Gabriel drifted back off.  _

 

Gabriel put his head back and started to wash his hair, keeping his eyes closed. He stepped out, after a moment, and sighed as he avoided the mirror. He dried himself off before getting dressed right as Cas texted him that he was there. 

Gabriel stuck his phone in his pocket before filling Snickers’ food and water bowl. He then quickly rushed out to Cas’s car, sighing. “Sorry. Was in the shower.” Once again in a tee shirt and jeans, he got in the car, buckling. 

“It’s okay. I brought breakfast.” He handed him the bag. Gabriel immediately dug out his food and yawned a bit as he started eating, curling up in the seat. “So, did you sleep well?” 

“Yeah. Sort of.” Gabriel shrugged, mouth filled with food. Still living on the whole “might not always get food, so eat when you can”, he naturally didn’t have many dining manners. 

Cas frowned. “What do you mean “sort of”?” 

“Just had rocky sleep.” He shrugged, again, and continued eating. Cas sighed and dropped the subject as he continued driving, parking too soon. 

Gabriel forced himself out of the car, already panicking. Maybe he should get back in the car and go back to his nice and cozy bed with no friend who’s getting married. 

Cas gently grabbed his arm and drug him inside, dropping him off at a tailor, who immediately shoved Gabriel into a dressing room with a suit. Gabriel immediately started to panic from the shove, taking deep breaths to calm himself. 

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t calm his heart beat, so he just gave up and started to change, keeping his eyes closed because of all of the mirrors. When he was done, he stepped out, already afraid of the tailor. 

The tailor harshly grabbed his arm, making Gabriel’s already pounding heart beat faster. Gabriel obediently followed, soon getting dragged back into a flashback. 

 

_ He winced as his arm was grabbed tightly and he was dragged to a hook, getting his bound arms yanked above his head and hung on the hooks, making him dangle. He looked down when he saw the whip, making sure to relax so it hurt less.  _

_ He bit into his tongue to keep from crying out from the first whip. “Pathetic, little shit. You just can’t keep your mouth shut.” He felt another whip strike across his back and he made a little pained sound.  _

_ His torturer laughed. “Awww, are you in pain?” He grabbed Gabriel’s chin and forced him to look at him. “God. You’re so fuckin ugly. I can’t believe we keep you.” He snorted and backhanded Gabriel before whipping him again. This one tore a stripe of skin out of his back. Gabriel couldn’t help but cry out as another one hit.  _

_ His torturer continued to degrade him as he whipped him, smirking the whole time. Gabriel was barely conscious by the time they took him down and carried him to his cell, forcing him onto his back. He cried out in pain.  _

_ They lifted him up and wrapped him up, like routine, before laying him on his side. He made no sound as they left, curling up and crying softly. He whimpered and closed his eyes, singing softly to himself in a broken voice.  _

_ All alone… He was all alone… He hugged himself. The little omega was broken. He had lasted through so many years of this. He was giving up. He had missed his own birthday.  _

_ That realisation cut deep. According to a date he had casually heard, he was eighteen. Eighteen years old. He’d been down there for four years. He stopped crying and felt a different darkness start to consume him. Any sort of hope at being rescued fled his mind and he slumped into the bed.  _

_ “Happy birthday to me…” He whispered, taking in a breath. “Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to Gabriel…” He choked a bit. “Happy birthday to… me…” His voice died off and he shook his head, gripping at the sheet. “I give up.” He whispered. “I give up.”  _

Gabriel was yanked out of the memory by Castiel pulling him into his arms and hugging him tightly. “Shhhh… Sh… I got you… We got a new tailor… Sh…” 

Gabriel realised he was sobbing and buried his face in Cas’s arm, hugging back and gripping at the back of his shirt. “She grabbed me… and shoved me… she scared me…” He choked out and sobbed harder. 

“I know, Gabe. I know. Let’s sit down.” Cas gently brought him over to the chair and sat with him, making his scent calming for Gabriel. All that did, though, was make Gabriel grip tighter at his shirt, realizing how much he had missed his brother. 

Gabriel calmed after a moment, pulling away. He realised they were in the bathroom and relaxed when he realised no one had seen him break down. “How… How many saw?” 

“Just me and Dean. He immediately grabbed you away from the tailor and brought you over. He’s complaining to the manager right now. We got a new one. She’s much sweeter and softer. She won’t grab you. We made sure she knew that you were… sensitive and she couldn’t be rough.”

Gabriel nodded a bit and relax more.  “Cas… my birthday is in a month…” 

“I know. I already cleared the day so we can hang out and eat ice cream and cake. Dad says he can come over as well, if you need.” Cas combed his fingers through Gabriel’s hair, being gentle. 

Gabriel nodded a bit. “That sounds good… Really good…” He took a breath before getting up to clear the damage off his face. Cas gave him a bottle of foundation that he carried for Gabe, just in case. Gabriel smiled gratefully and took it, making his face look better.

“I’ll go let Dean know you’re okay and come back to get you.” Cas smiled and left for a moment before coming back. Gabriel stayed quiet as they went back to the group. 

The new tailor smiled kindly and helped him onto the stool before gently starting to adjust the suit. She stayed quiet, which Gabriel was grateful for, and he watched Sam talk to the other guys, not really hearing what he was saying. 

The tailor spoke up, after a moment. “Sucks, doesn’t it?” 

“What do you mean?” He blushed and looked down at her. 

“Being a groomsman in the man you’re in love with’s wedding.” She shrugged and smiled up at him. 

“I-I don’t know what you’re… you’re talking about…” He turned more red and looked away. She chuckled and shrugged again, going back to what she was doing and falling silent again. 

Gabriel looked back at Sam, again, feeling sadness. He was talking about Ruby. He could tell. He was all lit up and happy looking. He never looked like that when talking about him. 

When the tailor finished, she gently sent him back to the dressing room, letting him get changed back. Gabriel stepped out and frowned when she was gone, heading to sit down. He looked down, letting out a breath. 

Gabriel watched the rest get theirs done, after a bit, feeling like an outcast, again. He kinda just wanted to go home and sleep again, feeling exhausted. His breakdown had really drained him. 

He leaned back in the seat before looking outside and noticing a small donut shop. His stomach growled and he hesitated before looking back at the group. No one was paying attention. He could grab a donut, eat it, and be back before anyone noticed. 

He got up and left, going over to the donut place and buying one before heading out and sitting on the curb to eat it. He sighed a bit, feeling stupid. This was ridiculous. He’d had a mental breakdown, and was now outside eating a donut. Well, it was a good donut. The icing was delicious. And, it was fluffy and still warm. 

He melted and closed his eyes, finishing the donut. He forced himself to go back before he bought another, sitting back in the same chair and snorting when he realised no one had noticed. He rolled his eyes and got out his phone, playing on it for a bit and tapping his foot. 

After a moment, Sam came over and sat down, smiling brightly. “Sorry I haven’t said hi, yet.” 

Gabriel jumped and looked up at Sam, immediately blushing. “It’s fine. You’ve been busy.” 

Sam shrugged and hummed. “Still. I should have said hi. How have you been? Was the family dinner okay?” 

“It was fine.” He sighed and looked down, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. Why did Sam have to just be so perfect and concerned and always make sure Gabriel was okay? Why couldn’t he just suck and make it easier on Gabriel? It’d hurt a lot less if Sam was a jackass. 

“Are you sure?” Sam gently brushed Gabriel’s hair out of his face, frowning when Gabriel moved away from his hand. 

“I’m sure. It was just… okay. Not much to report on.” Gabriel shrugged and tried to ignore his fluttering heart. “You should probably get back to your tailor.” 

Sam frowned, noticing Gabriel shutting down. He just nodded and went back to where he was supposed to be, glancing back at Gabriel. 

Gabriel took a breath and, when nobody was looking, disappeared out the doors, going home. 

 

_ “Gabriel! I missed you!” Sam hugged Gabriel, tightly. “Where were you??”  _

_ “Sick. Got an insanely bad stomach flu.” Gabriel grinned and hugged back. “I’m better, now. So, what are we playing?” He stuck a lollipop in his mouth before giving one to Sam. “It better be something fun.”  _

_ “Hmm… Pirates!” Sam grinned, already running off to grab the fake swords and costumes. He and Gabriel had spent weaks gathering all the stuff to make costumes for several of their games. “Here!” He tossed Gabriel his costume before tugging his on.  _

_ Gabriel tugged his on as well, before grabbing his sword and running to Sam’s bed, making the pirate voice. “Argh, ye scallywag! What der ye be doin on mah ship?!”  _

_ “I be lookin for yer treasure!” Sam grinned, holding out his own sword. Soon, the boys had a sword fight that ended with them both on the floor and looking up at the ceiling. Gabriel was still giggling, hands extended out.  _

_ He knew they were getting too old for these games. They were both going into middle school, and soon it would be seen as uncool. But, Gabriel loved them. He loved spending time with Sam, though Sam was acting different, lately.  _

_ The moment Sam had presented as an alpha, he had told Gabriel. Gabriel hadn’t minded. He already knew he was an omega, having been getting heats since he was nine. Gabriel had never minded being an omega, either. It was just an eh thing for him.  _

_ But, ever since Sam had presented, he’d slowly started changing. He got a bit more aggressive at times, and, he would often ditch Gabriel for other omegas. Which, sucked major since Gabriel was starting to realize he had feelings for Sam.  _

_ His dad had stopped letting Gabriel hang out with Sam on his heats, even though he was taking suppressors. Gabriel had been saddened, but he didn’t worry about it. He just told Sam the message, before suggesting they play Space Warriors.  _

_ Sam got a text message and sat up, grinning. “Dude, that hot omega just texted me.”  _

_ Gabriel frowned, sitting up. “Oh? I thought you said he didn’t seem interested.”  _

_ “I guess he is.” Sam shrugged, getting distracted by the cell phone.  _

_ Gabriel deflated and sighed, laying back down. He looked at the ceiling for a while. Then, he got frustrated. “I should go.”  _

_ “Okay.” Sam replied, obviously not paying attention. Gabriel sighed and got up, pulling off the pirate costume and grabbing his bag full of candy and pokemon cards and ds games. He walked to the door before glancing back.  _

_ “Bye.” He mumbled.  _

_ “Mhm. Sounds good.” Sam replied. Gabriel just rolled his eyes and walked out, texting his dad to come get him.  _

_ In moments, his father was there. He frowned at Gabriel’s expression, but didn’t say anything, knowing Gabriel would tell him if he wanted to.  _

_ Gabriel leaned against the door and curled up in the seat, feeling hot tears start to roll down his face. When he got home, he went inside without saying anything. He went to his room and tossed the bag on the bed, wiping his eyes and going to his computer. “Stupid.” He muttered, glaring at the screen. _

 

“Stupid.” Gabriel mumbled as he plopped down on the couch, feeling tears drip down his face. “I’m so stupid. He never loved me.” He muttered, covering his eyes with his arms. 

Sam never did. And, he never would. “I give up.” He whispered. “I give up.”


	3. There's a light Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel moves in with Gabriel and provides a source of hope for Gabriel.

Cas hadn’t been able to reach Gabe for a week. And he was getting worried. So, he decided to do what he had been pushing off for a while. He was moving in with his baby brother so he could help him.

* * *

 

Gabriel groaned when he heard a knock on the door and Cas’s voice saying to let him in. He knew it was just a matter of time before concerned big brother showed up. He slowly got up and went over to the door, sighing and rubbing his eyes. 

When he opened the door, he was attacked in a hug. “Brat! You’re supposed to talk to people when you have another depressive episode.” Cas exclaimed, hugging Gabriel tightly. 

Gabriel was a bit surprised but hugged back. “Sorry…” He mumbled, tearing up. Then, all at once, he started crying, clinging to his brother. ‘S-Sorry, Cassie… Just couldn’t f-face more people…” He whispered, crying into Cas’s shoulder. 

“It’s okay. Come on. Sit on the couch while I cook lunch because I know you probably haven’t eaten much.” Cas carefully led Gabe over to the couch, having him sit down before going to the kitchen to look for something to cook. “I’m moving in, by the way.” 

Gabriel choked. “W-what?” He temporarily stopped crying out of surprise. “Why?” 

“Because you need someone around, Gabe. And, don’t pretend you don’t. I also know you need some form of alpha contact. Again, don’t lie.” Cas smiled over at Gabe, who looked down at his lap and fidgeted. The lack of response let Cas know it was okay and he searched around the fridge. “Jeez, Gabe. I knew you were lying when you talked about all the home cooked nutritious meals you were having. I’m ordering pizza.” 

He got out his cell phone, calling the pizza place and placing a quick order. 

Gabriel went to protest, huffing. “Ramen is home-cooked!” Cas glared at him, making him shut up, immediately. “Then again, maybe not…” He mumbled, blushing. 

Cas smirked, triumphantly, before sitting down on the couch beside Gabe. “Okay, talk to me. And don’t clam up. I want to help you, Gabe. I know you’re still having flashbacks and a hard time. So talk to me.” 

Gabriel blinked a bit before looking down. He decided to be honest. He needed  to tell someone other than his therapist. Why not Cas? “I… I keep seeing everything in perfect detail. Everything before being taken is so fuzzy but my memories of being underground are clear.” He couldn’t help the soft whimper that escaped him. 

“Shh… I’m here.” Cas frowned, wrapping his arms around his brother and holding him close. He rubbed his back. 

Gabriel clung to Cas and closed his eyes. “It just… It’s terrifying… Because I feel like I’m there, again, sometimes.” He whispered, curling up. “Thank you… Maybe it will be better with someone here.” 

Snickers ran over and jumped into Cas’s lap, barking. Cas chuckled and pet the dog. “You’re welcome, Gabe. I think it will be.” 

Gabriel smiled before seeing the small yellow kitten meekly padding into the living room. “Okay, so I didn’t spend all my time here. I went out a bit. And bought a kitten. Snickers loves her.” 

Cas smiled and nodded, reaching a hand down to scratch behind the kitten’s ear when it came over. The kitten struggled to climb onto the couch before being helped up by Cas, who picked her up by the scruff of her neck and set her on his lap as well. “She’s pretty.” He commented, having to let Gabriel go so he could pet both animals. 

“Yeah… My little support group. We have a new member, guys.” He pet the animals and jokingly introduced Cas, picking up Snickers. “I think Imma name her Lemon Drop.” 

“You and your candy. I’m glad you haven’t lost taste for it.” Cas smiled fondly and rubbed Gabe’s arm. Then the pizza got there and Cas got up to pay. 

“I can pay for it,” Gabriel tried and pouted, attempting to get up quick enough to make it to the door first. 

Cas beat him to it, chuckling. “I got it, Gabe.” He said as he answered. Gabriel huffed, walking to the door, anyway, and standing behind Cas. 

Gabriel was in a good mood. And he didn’t really understand why. Maybe it was just the hope that he wouldn't be alone anymore. And, maybe it was the fact Cas wanted to hang out with him and help him. And, he wasn’t treating him like he was made of glass. It was like they were before. Which was what he wanted. But, at the same time, he appreciated that Cas was still being gentle. 

The pizza man was a young beta, who Gabriel swore he could recognize. He was a brunette with brown eyes. He was average looking, but also nice looking. And, he smiled directly at Gabriel, ignoring Cas. “12.37.” He said. His smile creeped Gabriel out a bit. It was… too nice. Too kind. Like one smiled at a pet. Or a small animal. 

Cas carefully pushed Gabriel behind him and gave the pizza man the money, clearly unhappy with the lack of attention. “Keep the change.” He said before shutting the door and carrying the pizza to the kitchen. “Hey. Did you remember your heat suppressants?” 

“Um… No. Shit, I should probably take those.” Gabriel quickly ran to the bathroom, looking in the medicine cabinet for them. He frowned when he couldn’t find them. “Shit…” He mumbled, continuing to search. 

“Cas! I can’t find them!” He called, searching around. He always put them in the same spot. Because that’s where he took them. “Shit, shit, shit. Cas!” 

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” He came into the bathroom to help him look, frowning after a bit. “You’re sure this is where you put them?” 

“This is where I always put them! I don’t leave this spot!” He was a bit frantic and was panicking. “I’ll go look around in other places.” He went to his room and searched there. Nothing. 

Then the living room. Still nothing. 

Finally, he found them. On top the fridge. Where he never put medicine. “Huh?” He mumbled, a little panicked. Why were they on the fridge? “I found them!” He called, rushing back upstairs to be in Cas’s presence, frowning.

“Oh? Where were they?” Cas frowned, tilting his head. 

“On top of the fridge… I don’t put medicine there.” He sounded a bit panicked, which he was. Immediately, his mind had went to “someone was in the apartment”  which was a very scary thought. 

“Hmm… Maybe you did during an episode. It wouldn’t be weird for you to have. You could have been so disoriented that you put it on the fridge instead of the medicine cabinet.” Cas suggested. 

Gabriel relaxed immediately, his brain latching onto any other explanation than someone in his apartment. “Yeah… Maybe.” He smiled a bit and took the medication before putting it back in the medicine cabinet, heading back downstairs with Cas to eat, pushing the medicine to the back of his mind.

* * *

 

_ Gabriel was usually alone between customers and being tortured or punished. Or trained. He was alone to deal with the torment and physical pain.  _

_ He was in a new cell. In a new place. Before moving them, they had all been sedated. Everything felt like it was swaying. So, either he had damage to his brain. Or he was on a boat.  _

_ He hoped it was the boat.  _

_When he was alone with his thoughts was possibly the worst torture session he’d been dealt. He was left to deal with the self loathing and overwhelming death wishes. The lighter Hanna had given him had already been contemplated to be broken open and drunk._ _  
__He doubted it would be enough to kill him, though. He wasn’t brave enough to try._

_ Another huge thing that tormented him was his family. Were they looking for him? Did they even care? Not knowing the answer to those questions hurt more than it should. _

_ At least he could see in this cell. He didn’t seem to be underground, anymore. There was a window he was too small to see out of far down the hallway that provided light. He wasn’t even sure he was in a cell. It looked to be a small closet.  _

_ The food was still terrible. Just enough to keep him alive. If he tried to starve himself, he got a feeding tube forced into him. So, he just learned to eat what was given. Forced survival. Not fun.  _

_ They were leaving him alone a lot more, though. Hanna was also visiting him less, though. She was trying to get Gabriel to be promoted to her personal pet. She kept saying it would be a better life. That only she could say what happened to him and that she’d feed him a lot more.  _

_ The treats she brought him were nice. One time, she managed to sneak hot chocolate after a particularly bad customer who’d quite literally tore him open. It still hurt to sit down. He still had a bit of chocolate from her last visit.  _

_ He curled up on his bed, laying down under the very thin and shitty blanket. He noticed his thoughts had become increasingly darker. He had a couple common thoughts, he also noticed.  _

_ First was “I wish I was dead.” Which, he didn’t mind so much. He doubted they’d actually let him die. So, why worry about this thought, anyway? Besides, it popped up too much to try and stop it.  _

_ Second was “I want to go home.” He minded that a lot. He could barely remember his home to even daydream. Yeah, he had a few memories. Sam was one of them. God, he missed Sam. Did the alpha even remember him? Did he miss him? Another couple questions that it was painful to not have an answer to.  _

_ His Dad was another memory. His Dad was a writer. He wrote tons of books. Had a long running series. Was fairly successful, too. Had adopted twelve children. He was adopting two more when Gabriel was taken. What were their names? Would he ever find out? Two more questions.  _

_ The omega curled up more and whimpered quietly as he heard screams and a cell door slam shut. Must be a new one. That’s how he had reacted when he was thrown in his cell. Then he heard loud crying. But, he just tuned it out. It’d stop in a bit when they got the collar. Or a gag.  _

_ Instead, he just closed his eyes and made his mind blank, slowly drifting into an uneasy sleep filled with a home he didn’t remember and an Alpha whose arms he missed so terribly.  _

* * *

 

“Oh, come on, Cas! I’m happy in my home. Not in a mall. With people. And hypermasculine Alphas. Besides, what’s wrong with the clothes I wear now?” Gabriel pouted. Cas had dragged him to a mall to go shopping for some “better” clothes. 

“They’re too baggy. I think some good looking clothes, and some comfort clothes would really help you. Now shut up and get in the dressing room.” He was really gentle, but firm, so he wouldn’t scare Gabriel. He gently pushed him into a dressing room with some clothes. “Now, be honest if you’re uncomfortable in them.” 

“A tee shirt with a pug on it, really??” Gabriel huffed from inside the dressing room, looking at the shirt. It looked ridiculous. “I’m not twelve.” 

“You’re twenty two.” Cas retorted and sat in a chair. “I wanna see when you try on an outfit.” 

Gabriel huffed and pulled on the clothes, avoiding the mirror. Which was a bit impossible. So, he just closed his eyes. When he was done, he hesitantly stepped out, reluctant to admit he actually liked the outfit. And, Cas was nice enough to have it be long sleeved. “So?” 

“It looks nice.” Cas smiled. “Do the jeans fit nice? I didn’t think you would like skinny jeans, yet. But, these are meant to be figure hugging for Omegas.”

“They’re… snug. But, comfortable. Still nice enough to move in. Even though I hate pants. I wish I could be like other omegas who are brave enough to wear shorts and thigh highs… But… But…” He looked down. He didn’t want to show his scars. 

“I get it.” Cas nodded and stepped into the dressing room to carefully cover the mirrors with whatever he could. “Better?” 

Gabriel gratefully nodded and stepped back in once Cas had came out, closing the door and changing into his next outfit. It was even more comfortable and Gabriel felt nice in it. It was a big black hoodie and green pants that were the same ones as the last time, just green. He stepped out and smiled a bit. 

“Ooh! You look adorable.” Cas smiled brightly and inspected. “I thought you might appreciate an oversized hoodie. So, I looked for my size instead of yours. How does it fit?” 

“Well, the jeans are nice and the hoodie is warm…” He snuggled into the hoodie a bit, blushing from being called adorable. “I like them. But, Cas, I dunno if I’ll be able to pay for them…” 

“Don’t be silly. I’m buying them. One more outfit from here then we’ll move onto the next store.” Cas smiled brightly. 

“Wait, Cas, no. I can’t ask you to pay for all of the things we get today!” Gabriel protested, shaking his head. 

“You’re not asking me to. I’m offering to. Please? I wanna spoil my baby brother.” Cas made puppy eyes to the best of his ability. 

And the fucking things worked. Asshole. “Fine…” Gabriel gave in and nodded, going back into the dressing room to change into the outfit, almost screaming no. It was a puke green turtle neck and bell bottom jeans. “No, no, no, no, no.” He opened the door and tossed the clothes at Cas, who was laughing his ass off. 

“Awww, please?” Cas tried to get out. 

“No!” Gabriel huffed, gathering up the clothes he did like and carrying them to the counter. Cas rushed to catch up and pay, insisting on carrying the bags before taking him to another store. 

They ended up going to five and bought something from each one. And at each one, Gabriel insisted he didn’t need more clothes. But, he ended up getting some stuff he really couldn’t complain about. 

Including some guilty pleasure items. Like a perfume that smelled like cotton candy and a few small outfits for Snickers. Including a doggy shirt that had a Snickers bar on the back. And some refills for his candy stash, since he was running seriously low. 

They also got lunch at a pizza place. Which had been really good. Now, they were in a sex shop and Gabriel could not be more embarrassed. 

Well, it wasn’t technically a sex shop. But, it did sell sex toys and lingerie. And a stripper pole. That was intriguing to Gabriel, but also made him cringe into himself. The whole store was intriguing and terrifying. Both relaxing and triggering. 

Half of him wanted to try maybe reclaiming his own pleasure, since he had never received much of it while Taken. 

The other half wanted to run out and puke. 

Luckily, the store was run by Omegas. So, no Alpha cashier to smirk and make Gabriel uncomfortable. 

How would he reclaim his own pleasure, anyway, when he couldn’t look at himself? He figured that might be pretty essential in actually trying. So, he decided to ask Cas, who looked shocked Gabriel had even followed him in. 

Cas had told him he needed to get some things for him and Dean, his mate and Sam’s brother. Gabriel hadn’t liked being alone, so he had trailed in after him. 

“Cas… I… have a question…” Gabriel sheepishly asked and toed at the ground. 

“Uh… Alright. What is it?” Cas frowned a bit. This was new behavior. Usually Gabriel wasn’t shy. He was sunken in on himself. But never shy. Usually cut off. 

“U-Uhm… Do you… Do you have to look at yourself to… to um…” Gabriel turned a deep shade of red. When he was younger, before he was taken, he would have had no problem asking this question. He’d had no shame back then. Now, it was embarrassing. And he felt a little… wrong for being curious. Like he was betraying all of his bad memories. 

Cas raised an eyebrow before catching on and forming the “o” shape with his mouth.”No. Not always. With some things. But, if you get the right toy, then no. Some, you don’t even have to be fully undressed for.” Cas had no problem talking about this. Especially not with Gabriel. He figured it would be sooner or later before the late developing questions started. He’d been taken before he could start asking them. 

Gabriel bit his lip and nodded a bit. “Can… Can you help me? To, to find one…” He felt weird asking his brother. But at the same time, not really. Because he trusted Cas. He knew he wouldn’t judge him. Probably the opposite. This showed progress. At least, Gabriel hoped it did. 

“Of course. Not weirded out to be asking your big brother?” Cas chuckled, looking at the nice sized selection the store had. He eventually did pick something out. He just hoped this wouldn’t trigger Gabriel. Maybe it being his own choice and being when he decided would be enough not to trigger him. 

“Well, a little… But at the same time, no. You’re the only one I trust.” Gabriel mumbled, thanking Cas before tilting his head as Cas dropped a bottle of something in his arms as well. “What’s that?” 

Cas had to resist looking horrified. Yeah, he figured Gabriel wasn’t given the luxury of being comfortable. But he kept forgetting just how much knowledge was kept from him. “Lubricant.” 

“Okay… what do I do with it?” Gabriel raised an eyebrow, biting his lip and carefully inspecting the small bottle. 

Cas explained to the best of his ability before buying the things for Gabriel, so he wouldn’t be too embarrassed. “Okay, so, stay away from porn.” Omegas weren’t treated the best and he knew it would be triggering. Plus, it was never realistic. “Okay?” 

Gabriel looked confused but nodded a bit. “Okay.” He looked at the toy, glad it wasn’t a dildo. It still required penetration, but it looked small and actually was a bit pretty, which was a though he never expected to have. Ever. He quickly put the toy back in the box along with the bottle. “Anywhere else we’re going?” 

“Nope. Just back to your apartment.” Cas shrugged, chuckling as Gabriel searched through the bags to find an oversized hoodie. Cas was nice enough to buy him three that day. A black one, a green one, and a blue one. “I’m glad you like the hoodies, Gabriel.” 

Gabriel smiled happily as he tugged the black one on over his shirt, feeling warm and happy. He also got out a candy bar, picking up the bags again and continuing to walk with Cas. “Can we watch a movie? That’s what I usually do most evenings…” 

Cas nodded a bit. “Do you take baths?” He had done a lot of research on therapeutic things, wanting to do everything he could to help Gabriel. 

“No. Have to look at my body to clean up.” Gabriel was a bit surprised by the question, frowning. 

“Okay… Well, you shower… Do you look at yourself, then?” 

“Well, no…” Gabriel bit his lip. Baths had always sounded nice. He’d tried one once, in the very beginning, but his head accidentally went under and had triggered a horrible waterboarding memory. So he hadn’t tried, since. “But, I could slip under and be yanked into a memory.” 

“Not necessarily. Maybe if you had someone nearby to make sure than never happened?” Cas suggested. He knew it was a long shot. He was already trying a lot of things. The trip to the mall was pushing it. He knew that. He just wanted to help his brother get better. He’d even contacted Ellen and got advice from her. 

“I don’t want you seeing… them…” Gabriel mumbled, already starting to feel depressed again. He wanted a bath. But at the same time, he didn’t. 

“That’s okay. You’ve already tried a lot of new things. I’m very proud of you, by the way.” Cas murmured, wrapping an arm around his brother and kissing his head. “You’re making great progress. I’m very proud.” 

Gabriel perked up a bit, feeling less like shit. Cas was proud of him. And he thought he was making progress. He let out a relieved breath he hadn’t known he was holding and leaned into Cas. “I’m glad. Come on, let’s go home and watch a movie…” He mumbled, pulling away and walking out to the car. 

* * *

 

_ Hanna had just left, again. Leaving him all alone. He missed her, already.  _

_ He climbed into his bed and curled up, hurting again. Before Hanna had visited, he’d been used again, by an alpha. An alpha who had knotted him. It had been the worst thing he had ever experienced. He still felt like puking.  _

_ Since he had been knotted, he would have to be checked by a “doctor” for being pregnant. Which terrified him. He hoped to god he wasn’t pregnant. The idea of having a child was scary enough.  _

_ But what scared the omega more was the knowledge that he wouldn’t be allowed to keep the pup. He’d have to have an abortion. And that made him fucking terrified. He’d heard of abortions and he knew he wouldn’t get the one with numbing medication. He’d get the terribly painful one.  _

_ So he spent a lot of time thinking about ways to possibly get rid of the pup himself. He also rubbed his stomach and looked down at it. This was awful. He was planning on getting rid of… he knew it wasn’t even there yet. It was just a sperm in his tummy. But, he still wanted to try to kill it. Abort it. Whatever!  _

_ “I’m so sorry…” He whispered, tearing up. “If I was older… And free… I would keep you... But I just can’t… Maybe later on in life… When I’m with someone I love… Then I can have you... “ He started crying, whimpering softly. He wished so badly that he could keep the pup. And raise it.  _

_ But he was somewhere around fifteen. He couldn’t keep a pup. Not here. Not even if he was free.  _

_ The thought was depressing. And he didn’t even know if he was actually pregnant. He hoped he wasn’t.  _

_ He tugged the blanket up to his chin, feeling hopeless. “I’ll never have a life… or see my family, again… I’ll always be alone and stuck here…” He whispered to himself, choking on a sob. “I’ll never get to leave…”  _

_ He repeated that phrase over and over until the words lost meaning and he was exhausted. And then, as he was falling asleep, he whispered to the pup that probably didn’t even exist “I’m sorry…” _

* * *

 

Gabriel woke up crying, hugging himself. He hated that alone feeling. And on top of that, he felt cold. He was fucking freezing, which just added to the scared and alone feeling. And it was dark, and his hair was wet and-

He felt arms wrap around him, gentle and warm. Not a threat. But a comfort. “Shh… I’m here… Shh…” He heard a familiar voice that started to ground him. “You’re safe, I promise…” 

“C-as…” He sobbed and immediately hugged back, burying his face in his brother’s shoulder. 

Cas rubbed Gabriel’s back, scenting him and smelling the waves of loneliness coming off him. He kissed his head again and rubbed his back. “I’m not leaving you anytime, soon, I promise.” He murmured. 

Gabriel nodded a bit, feeling safe and warm in his brother’s arms, and with the familiar scent around him. “Thank you... “ He whispered when he could finally stop crying, staying curled up to Cas.

“You don’t have to thank me, Gabe. Not for helping you. Not for helping with this. I should have helped earlier.” Cas sighed and rocked him, carefully. Gabriel made a soft noise, though he relaxed from the rocking. 

Gabriel didn’t say anything else until Cas went to go back downstairs to the couch and Gabriel stopped him. “Please… Please stay?” He was quiet. He then quickly added, “if that’s not weird.” 

Cas smiled softly and sat back down. “It’s not, Gabe.” He laid down before opening his arms. He understood Gabriel was touch starved and needed a lot of affection. Probably brotherly affection the most. Because brothers can be affectionate, too, you asses. 

Gabriel laid down as well and curled up to Cas, grateful he was there. Cas rubbed his back, carefully, and held his brother close. “I’m gonna be there for you. I promise.” He murmured. 

Gabriel smiled and fell asleep again, confident he wouldn’t have nightmares. This felt different than the other times he fell asleep. This felt… safe. 

* * *

 

It’d been a few weeks since Cas had officially moved all his stuff in and his mate, Dean, now visited regularly. Which, Gabriel was okay with. Dean was nice. And, Dean was another omega, so he wasn’t intimidating. 

Dean also knew how to joke around, while avoiding triggering jokes. Both had also asked for a list of triggers for Gabriel and were careful around these subjects. The triggers were literally written on a small chalkboard Cas had bought, Dean’s idea, and hung where anyone visiting could clearly see. 

So they knew what to avoid. Gabriel had been skeptical at first, and worried that simply the words would cause a panic attack. But, actually, it was great to have them there. Because, in some weird way, it made Gabriel feel confident that he was getting better. Getting past this. 

Of course, he still had nightmares. Cas wasn’t always able to share a bed with him. Sometimes, he got home late. Or, even, sometimes he had them while with Cas. Which, was really discouraging. No matter how much Cas told him not to expect overnight results. 

Dean had also taken Gabriel shopping, while Cas there because Gabriel still really only trusted Cas, and insisted on paying. Despite Gabriel repeating that he could afford his own damn clothes. “We know. We just like buying you stuff. You get all flustered and cute.” 

Gabriel, as if to prove Dean’s point, blushed. 

They had bought him decorations and furniture, thinking colour would brighten up the place and make Gabriel feel more comfortable in his apartment. And, they let Gabriel pick everything. Right down to the nails they used to hang pictures. 

Gabriel had been really interested in the photography that you could buy, and had been wondering if he could do that. Ellen had been saying he needed to get a hobby. 

Which, he had an appointment that day. He knew that, because Cas and Dean had spent four hours putting a ton of important dates into his calendar. And, they had bought him a good panic app that was set up to text them and his Dad when he opened the app. And, they also were prepared to be texted for small emergencies. 

That’s why it wasn’t set up to text the police. Gabriel had sort of deflated at the reminder he panicked easy. 

He also knew his birthday was in two days. And, Cas, Dean, and his Dad were all gonna have dinner. And Cas was baking another homemade chocolate cake. Sam might be coming over as well. And Cas had had the good sense to tell Sam he better not bring fucking Ruby. 

Gabriel had over heard the words “I’ll fucking kill you if you bring her” and “don’t ask why.” He had been immensely grateful. 

Pros mixed with cons, but all in all, Gabriel was grateful Cas had moved in. Because, even when Cas was at work, that meant Dean was home. And, Dean was nice to his pets, despite not liking dogs all that much. He loved Lemon Drop. And called her Lemmy. Sometimes Sour if she scratched his hand. 

Dean and Cas were also nice enough to wait to have sex when Gabriel was at work. And they made sure not to do it anywhere Gabriel could smell. Gabriel had walked in on them doing it in the laundry room. They still didn’t know. 

Sometimes, when Gabriel got sick of being in his apartment, they all went over to Dean’s and ordered chinese food and watched chick flicks. (Dean pretended to hate them, but he was the one with the DVD collection, so it was kind of fucking useless.) 

They also had Googled triggers for a ton of movies on Netflix and Dean had put a list by Gabriel’s tv saying all the movies that had Gabriel’s triggers in them. Some were small enough triggers, like just words, that Gabriel knew when to cover his ears so he could still watch the movie. But, the list being there made everything a lot easier for him. 

So, he was in the happiest mood he had been in in twelve years. He was so happy that he wasn’t alone and that he could actually start to try and get better. 

So, he walked into Ellen’s room with a smile on his face. Dean and Cas were hanging out at the store right by the office and knew to come back in an hour. 

“Wow, Gabriel. In the three years you’ve been seeing me, I don’t think I’ve seen you smile.” She commented, smiling kindly. “It’s a nice smile.” 

Gabriel blushed and smiled a bit more, sitting down. “Thank you… You know my brother moved in and he and his boyfriend have came up with all these ideas, although I suspect they called you for half of them, and it’s really made life easier. Like, I don’t have to walk on eggshells, any more.”

“That’s nice. And, yes, they did call me. Your brother, specifically. He asked me for advice on helping you, and I was the one who told him how important avoiding triggers could be. I also told him that stress could make things seem worse than they are. Which is what I’ve been telling you for a year.” She gave a “stern” look before smiling again. “So, do they seem to be working?” 

“Well, it’s only been a few weeks. But, yes. I think so. Cas has moved into my bed, though he doesn’t sleep in there everyday because he doesn’t want me to be dependent on him.” Gabriel nodded. “So, I still have nightmares. And, it’s funny, but I think my stuff keeps being moved around. But, it’s probably Dean, and his shit organizational skills.”

Normally, he would have been terrified that someone was breaking into his apartment, but his mind was dead set on accepting any other answer than that terrifying one. Besides, Gabriel knew he could be irrational sometimes. 

“Yeah, I figure that might be it. Have you talked about your nightmares with Cas? Shared any of the memories?” Ellen asked, thoughtfully. 

“A few. Not all of them. Some of them, I’m not ready to even share with you.” He looked down, mood dampening.. He knew there was going to be a serious point. “He knows the gist of what I’ve been through.” 

Ellen nodded. They talked about his memories for a while before Gabriel quietly asked a shocking question. Well, he thought it was shocking. “Is… Is it weird to be feeling.. Sexual things? Like, we went to that one store in the mall that sells sex toys and lingerie and tee shirts with cuss words on them. And, I got… Well…” He blushed, trailing off. 

“That’s perfectly normal, Gabriel. I actually expected this to happen sooner than it did. You see, when you were in captivity, a lot of your social development had to be put on hold. So did your… erm, sexual awakening. Granted, the hormones developed. But, the psychological parts did not. For sexual abuse victims, it’s a wide range of things that are a result. Some become sex repulsed. Some become sex obsessed. And others, like you, simply develop later than they should. It’s perfectly normal for these feelings to be popping up and some of them may be a little triggering, and that’s also perfectly normal.” She smiled kindly. 

Gabriel was glad she explained it in a way that a) didn’t make him feel completely stupid and b) didn’t make him feel like he was some experiment. He let out a breath of relief, glad it was normal. “So, I’m not weird and gross?” 

“No. Of course not. Everyone copes differently. And, it’s actually pretty common, Gabriel. And, it’s also okay to act on these feelings. You’re allowed to still enjoy sex, you know. And, even if you don’t, that’s okay.”

Gabriel relaxed more as his worries were eased. He still felt a little weird about it, but way less weird about actually wanting to try the toy that was still stuck in a box in his nightstand. “Thank you, really. I’m glad… I’m glad it’s not weird.” 

Ellen was really the only person, besides Cas a little bit, now, he had opened up to. He also trusted her. A lot. She was a family friend of Sam and Dean, and that’s how she was recommended. She was married to their adoptive father, which he hadn’t been aware happened until he was rescued. So, it wasn’t like it was a complete stranger. But, they didn’t know each other enough that he didn’t feel weird about sharing his memories. 

“Of course, Gabriel. And, remember, it’s important to talk to someone after a panic attack. Don’t shut yourself off. Okay?” 

“I… I’ll try my hardest not to.” He nodded, smiling again. 

“Good, good. Alright, I think the session is about over. Oh, Gabriel?” She stood and smiled again, more maternal this time. “Happy birthday, kiddo.”

* * *

 

Gabriel had been a bit scared, but his face broke into a huge smile. “Thank you.” He stood up and hugged her, before heading out to Cas and Dean.

Gabriel smiled as he opened the door to see his dad, hugging him. Chuck was clearly surprised at his behavior, but hugged back, smiling. “I see you’ve decorated a little more.” 

“Cas and Dean’s idea. They thought the place being less boring would help me not be so depressed all the time. It actually does help. It doesn’t feel so dreary.” Gabriel hummed as he pulled away and let Chuck inside. 

Chuck nodded and looked around, looking at the trigger board with focus before carrying his dish to the kitchen. “Happy Birthday, by the way. You’re 23, now.” He smiled fondly at Gabriel, who blushed. 

“Mhm.” He nodded and smiled, again. He wanted to show his Dad how much progress he had made. Wanted to make him proud of it. “I’m really grateful. Didn’t think I’d make it this far. Cas is making cake, again.” He checked on it, right as Cas came down the stairs to greet Chuck. 

“Dean will be here with Sam in ten minutes. Sam is not bringing Ruby.” Cas smiled and got the cake out, ushering Gabriel out so he could ice it. Gabriel went with Chuck to the living room, instead. 

He sat with him and they talked about normal things. Like Gabriel’s job. And, he met Lemon drop. The cat seemed to love Chuck and stayed curled up in his lap until Dean got there, abandoning him for Dean. 

Dean picked her up by the scruff on her neck and carried her around, setting a wrapped box on the counter. “Happy birthday!” He told Gabriel and hugged him. 

Sam followed him in, after a moment, and smiled brightly at Gabriel. Gabriel resisted the urge to melt from the smile. Damn Sam and his beautiful smile. “Hey, Gabe. Happy Birthday.” He hugged him and set a rather large box on the counter. Gabriel turned red from the size of it.

“Hey, Sam…” He mumbled, suddenly sheepish and shy. He quickly busied himself with the food, getting the table set up and sitting down after everyone else did. Sam claimed the seat beside Gabriel, making Gabriel blush more. 

Sam smiled kindly. “How have you been? It’s been a while since we’ve talked…” 

“I’ve been okay. Cas moved in and he and Dean have been helping me start to heal.” Gabriel felt like a little kid, unable to shut up about it. He was just so happy that he wasn’t alone and wasn’t permanently depressed. He was starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel, though it was kinda small. 

“I heard about that. Is it helping?” Sam seemed genuinely curious about it, and it made Gabriel blush. 

“Definitely. I mean, it’s not like I’ve been fixed overnight. But, I do feel better. I keep reminding myself that this will take time.” He nodded and smiled. 

Sam nodded and smiled brightly again. “I’m glad. It’s nice to see you so happy. I think you’ll really like your birthday present from me. And from Dean.” He hummed and nodded. 

Gabriel smiled again. “I can’t wait to see it.” He jumped as Snickers jumped into his lap, wearing his Snickers shirt. “Hey, buddy…” He murmured and pet him, feeding him some food that he knew was safe. 

Sam noticed the shirt and laughed. “Oh my god, that’s adorable. He’s still so tiny.” 

Gabriel blushed but smiled wider. “Yeah, I thought it would be funny. And, hey! He’s not tiny. You’re just too big.” He huffed, sticking his tongue out. 

Sam chuckled. “Yeah. You’re probably right. Who cooked?” 

“Uh, I did.” Gabriel got a bit nervous that Sam didn’t like it. He had made pasta, like usual. In the beginning, after he was rescued, he had been told to pile on carbs. When he started seeing Ellen, she told him that pasta was the best thing because there was tons of ways to make it, and it was filled with carbs. “Do you like it?” 

“Yes. It’s amazing. You’re a really good cook. You’ll make some alph-” He caught himself. He didn’t believe in the “Omegas only belonged with Alphas” but his father had pounded it into him, so he was trying to break the habit. “Somebody. Sorry.” He smiled sheepishly, causing Gabriel almost swoon. 

Fuck, he was so screwed. “Yeah…” He looked down at his plate, shyly, and quietly continued eating. 

As the night went on, he continued chatting to Sam and the others, and then, it was time for cake and presents. “I told you guys you didn’t have to buy me anything!” He whined, but he happily blew out the candles on the cake, which was beautifully decorated with flowers and candies. The candies were cleaned off and put in a container. 

Gabriel opened Sam’s, first, gasping when it was a game console. An expensive one. And several games with a list of triggers on the back in the plastic. Gabriel bit his lip. They weren’t violent games, and the trigger list was tiny. He smiled at Sam, unsure what else to do. He had wanted to try video games, since they were apparently so much cooler now, but he never could find any non-violent ones that wouldn’t trigger him. 

“Thank you, Sam…” He hugged him, smiling gratefully to show he liked it. Sam only nodded and smiled back. 

Then, Gabriel moved on to Dean’s present, receiving more games for the system and another hoodie. He smiled happily at the presents, being careful with them. 

Cas bought him a ton of candy and a certificate for an omega spa. Which Dean pouted and huffed softly at. Gabriel giggled softly before frowning. “But what about-” 

“It’s redeemable whenever you want and you can request for no one to touch you. And, we’ll figure out what to do to cover your scars. Okay?” Cas smiled softly. 

Gabriel relaxed and nodded. “Thank you, Cassie…” He put everything in a neat pile. He had to move back to sitting normal, since his back was hurting. He couldn’t sit normal in a chair. Ever. He had to prop himself up. Or curl up in the seat. Either way, sitting normal was insanely hard for him. 

His dad had also bought him candy and a camera, since Gabriel used to love taking pictures. 

And, after he had opened everything, he started crying. Causing some concerned glances. And a seemingly panicked Cas. “Gabriel, are you okay?” He quickly asked. 

Gabriel nodded and smiled, wiping tears. “Yeah, yeah, definitely. I just…” He looked around at everyone before looking back at the gifts on the table. “I didn’t expect to be here when I turned twenty-three.” He whispered, though he was still smiling. “And, I definitely didn’t expect to not be alone.” He smiled up at everyone, wiping more tears. 

Sam smiled. “Well, you’re not alone. And, we’re always going to be here to help.” 

Gabriel smiled gratefully, for once not flinching when Cas put a hand on his shoulder. “Thank you… really…” He looked back at the camera before Dean stole it and took a picture of all of them. 

And for once, Gabriel’s smile came easily for the picture. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. This is the first part of this chapter. I still have an insane amount to actually write. It's going great, guys. Really. *distant sobbing* Also, there's only a small amount of memories for a reason.


	4. Infants, Unanswered Questions, and My Shitty Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel really wants a baby. Too bad life just won't let him get that, will it?
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: THE LEADING UP TO RAPE

Life was good. Well, as good as it could be, for Gabriel. He had finally tried that toy. And, it hadn’t triggered him. In fact, it had been really fun to use. 

Currently, he was looking for his hoodie. He and Cas were helping Dean move his stuff in. Well, some of his stuff. Enough that Dean didn’t have to run home every morning. 

Him and Cas had spent the day prior cleaning out and setting up the only spare room Gabriel had. He’d honestly forgotten it had existed. 

“Cas?? Have you seen my hoodie??” He called, frowning. He could have sworn he had left it on the bed. Cas must have moved it. 

“Which one?” Cas called back before poking his head into the room. 

“My blue one… I swore I left it on my bed. Did you move it?”

“No. Of course not. Maybe Dean moved it?” Cas frowned, helping Gabriel look for the hoodie, soon finding it under the bed. Why would it be there?

Gabriel frowned. “Thanks.” He looked at the hoodie before tugging it on. Why was it under the bed? A chill crept down Gabriel’s spine. But, it was soon pushed to the back of his mind when he heard Dean enter the apartment, heavily setting down a box. 

He quickly went to help, moving the box to the spare room and happily chatting to Dean. He and Cas went outside to get the other box, while Dean grabbed the extra things. 

Gabriel was glad to be around both an omega and an alpha. Cas made him feel safe, and Dean helped with comfort, sometimes. Both scents were comforting to him. 

And, he definitely needed the comfort, sometimes. And, poor Gabriel, Sam’s bachelor party was coming up. And, Gabriel couldn’t get out of this one. He’d already spent hours trying to think of a way out. And, he had came up with nothing. Sam had also sent a friend over to give Gabriel some thing. 

And it was an alpha.

And Cas and Dean couldn’t be there. 

Dean had tried explaining to Sam why the random friend couldn’t come, but apparently that was the only time he could be there. He was coming over the next day and Gabriel was doing his best to push off thinking about it. 

He pushed the thought out of his head and went to grab a small box, taking it to the spare room, smiling. 

“This it?” He asked Dean. 

“This and the gigantic box Cas is carrying up.” Dean chuckled, jerking a thumb in Cas’s direction. “He insisted on carrying it on his own.”

“That… is bullshit…” Cas huffed as he set the box down, panting. “You whined about your fragile omega body not being able to carry the box.”

“Oops?” Dean grinned, almost getting attacked by his alpha and tickled all over. “Hey! Hey!” He giggled, trying to squirm out of Cas’s grip. 

Gabriel laughed a bit, before his smile faltered and he felt a pang in his heart watching them be so domesticated. “I’m gonna order pizza! And, I’m only getting the one I want!” He grinned, to change the mood, quickly running down to the kitchen before getting tackled by Dean right as he grabbed the phone. Gabriel squealed before his eyes widened when Dean pinned him down, gasping and starting to panic. 

“No, no, no, no, no!” He repeated, struggling as hard as possible. Dean immediately got off Gabriel, apologizing profusely. 

Gabriel started sobbing and curled up. Cas went over and carefully scooped Gabriel up, sitting on the couch and hugging him close. Dean followed and offered comfort as well. 

It took a while to get the tears to stop, but soon Gabriel was just dry sobbing and hiccuping, whimpering every so often. Cas rocked him, Dean petting his hair. “Shh… Shh.. You’re safe. I promise.” Cas whispered. 

After a bit, Gabriel calmed down enough to speak. “I-I’m… Sor- sorry, for… for panick-...ing…” He tried. 

“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have pinned you down…” Dean murmured. Cas nodded in agreement, kissing Gabriel’s hair. 

Gabriel relaxed a bit, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. 

All three were silent for a while before Cas finally got up, leaving Gabe with Dean. “I’ll order that pizza.” 

Gabriel nodded, curling up to Dean. Dean hugged Gabriel and turned on a safe movie completely free of triggers. 

Gabriel relaxed as he watched, feeling better when Cas joined the two on the couch.

* * *

 

_ Gabriel whimpered as the doctor said the words he was dreading. He wasn’t even a real doctor. But, he knew he was pregnant.  _

_ Gabriel wanted to cry. He knew what pregnant meant. It meant getting a hot fire poker stuck into him to kill the baby. He tried not to go into hysterics, lightly tugging at his restraints. He mentally cursed the alpha scum who had put this pup in his belly and tried not to scream as he was untied and taken to his cell. It was too early to do anything. He still had three weeks for them to decide whether he was carrying the pup to term and the pup being raised as a slave, or if he was going to have a forced abortion.  _

_ Gabriel wasn’t sure which option was worse. On the one hand, a full term pregnancy meant only bearable pain and definitely less torture. But, he couldn’t force a baby into this life. _

_ He curled up on his side, hand going to his stomach. Once again, he started to whisper to the baby. “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry that you’ll have to… I’m sorry…” He started crying and curled up. “I want you so bad… But, I can’t… Not while I’m in this place… Not while I’m captured… Maybe when I’m older… If I’m free…”  _

_ He doubted he’d ever be free. He’d already been there so long… He rubbed his stomach. “I wish… I wish I could keep you so much… I’ve always wanted a baby… My own pup... “  _

_ He laughed through his tears, “it’s silly, I know, but I already had a father picked out. My best friend… Seems so stupid, now…” He sighed and wiped his tears. He felt a sort of numbness set in.  _

_ “I knew I was going to have a girl. And, I was going to name her Auralia. No idea why. I made it up. Sounded pretty.” He closed his eyes. He knew it was stupid to be talking to a clump of cells. But, he was so alone. It helped him cope.  _

_ He sighed. “But, if it was a boy… I was gonna name him Theodore…” He smiled. “Theodore is an adorable name…” He curled up more.  _

_ Gabriel rubbed at his eyes, biting his lip. “I’m sorry…” He whispered, feeling himself get sleepy. “Maybe some day I can have you…” _

* * *

 

Gabriel woke up crying. This wasn’t scared crying. This was pure anguish. He put his hand on his stomach, sobbing. It was quiet enough he knew that Cas and Dean wouldn’t hear. He curled into himself. 

He wanted that pup so bad. He wanted a baby. Soon, Snickers ran over to the bed with Lemmy’s between his teeth by the scruff of her neck. He managed to climb onto the bed with Lemmy and set the sleepy kitten by Gabe’s chest before curling around her.

Gabriel relaxed and pet Snicker’s fur, closing his eyes. He slowly started to fall asleep, again, and curled up tightly around his pets. 

His last thought before falling back asleep was, “I want a baby…”

* * *

 

The next morning, Gabriel set out to ask Cas a few questions while they ate breakfast. Dean had cooked, so it was a very good breakfast. “How expensive is artificial insemination?” 

Cas choked on his bacon. “What?” 

Gabriel turned red and ducked his head, embarrassed. “How expensive is artificial insemination?”

“I mean… It’s not cheap. Why do you want to know?” Cas frowned. 

Gabriel already knew Cas was thinking he probably couldn’t handle a baby. Cas was probably right. Besides, Ellen would have a fit. “Nevermind… Have a nice day at work.” He quickly went back up to his room, curling up on the bed and wanting to cry again. He had been hit with baby fever, bad. 

He tried to think of a way to help it, before getting an idea. For therapy, one month, he had volunteered at a hospital to hold and cradle babies. He got his laptop and looked to see if they needed volunteers that day. 

He cheered when they did and quickly got dressed, rushing out the door and saying a quick bye to a confused Dean and Cas.

* * *

 

At the hospital, he quickly went to the counter, getting checked for anything dangerous before being given a volunteer badge and sent to the Nursery. 

The baby he got to hold was dark skinned and had a ton of hair already. He cradled the baby close to his chest, sitting down and relaxing back into the chair, murmuring softly to the baby. “Sweet little thing… I want to just hold you all day…”

Soon, the baby had to go to their parents and Gabriel was able to hold and cradle more babies. By the time he had to go home to meet Sam’s friend, his baby fever was completely sated. 

Unfortunately, his nerves weren’t.

* * *

The drive home was a long one, luckily. Gabriel went inside and waited for the guy to knock, tensing when he heard three sharp blows to the door. He could do this. He could do this. 

He went to the door and slowly opened it, attempting a smile. “H-Hi…” He tried. “Um… You’re Sam’s friend, right?”

“Yep!” He held up a small package. 

Gabriel nodded a bit and let him in, not wanting to be rude. “Here, let me go put this in my room…” He wasn’t sure what to do. He just took the small package and went to his room, fucking around a bit to stall. When he turned around to go back to the living room, he jumped when he saw the guy in his doorway. 

He immediately started to panic. “Oh, sorry! Didn’t mean to startle you!” The guy smiled apologetically, stepping out of the doorway and into the hallway. “I was looking for the bathroom. Can you tell me where it is?” 

Gabriel relaxed slightly and nodded, leading him to the bathroom down the hallway. He left him, alone, despite his better judgement, and went down to the kitchen, deciding to get started on dinner. 

He heard the guy come back, several minutes later, and turned around. “Thanks for bringing… well, whatever it is. Sam didn’t say.”

“Yeah, Sam is usually pretty cryptic. I’m Brady, by the way.” He smiled, holding out a hand to shake. 

Gabriel hesitated before moving over and shaking his hand. “I’m Gabriel.” He offered a small smile. 

“You have a nice apartment.” Brady hummed when he pulled his hand away, looking around. “I like the colours.”

“Thank you… My brother and his mate moved in recently and they helped me decorate it.” Gabriel smiled a bit more genuinely, remembering the trip to Ikea and the small arguments sparked between the pair that ended with Gabriel making an excuse to go to the grocery store while they eyefucked on the floor, most likely having anger sex, later. 

He quickly shook it out of his head and sighed, turning back to the food. He half expected Brady to leave, frowning when he heard him start talking, again. 

“Y’know, I’m sorry for being weird, but I’m just trying to figure out why Sam is having an omega be one of his groomsmen.” Brady’s voice was closer to Gabriel. 

Gabriel panicked a little, again, in the back of his mind, but frowned deeper. “Me and Sam… We’ve been friends since High School.” 

“Ahh… Makes sense.” Brady was right behind Gabriel. Gabriel could feel him. Then he felt his breath on the back of Gabriel’s neck and he tensed up immediately. “How… is an amazing smelling omega like you… unmated?” Brady lightly touched the small of Gabriel’s back and Gabriel jerked, whipping around. 

“You need to leave.” Gabriel tried. “I think you need to go.”

Brady just laughed. “Aww, come on… I just asked a question.”

Gabriel tried to shove Brady away, panicking hard. He opened his mouth and sucked in a breath to scream, but his mouth was covered by Brady’s hand. He beat and thrashed and screamed into his hand until Brady got frustrated, removing his hand to quickly punch him in the face. 

Time seemed to slow for Gabriel and he slumped into the stove, burning his hand on the pan. He barely felt it, howerever, as Brady had grabbed him by the hair, throwing him on the ground. He struggled to crawl away, set on getting to the door, but he was kicked in his side right as he got there. 

He gasped for air and rolled onto his back, coughing up blood. He started crying as Brady got between his legs and started to undo his jeans. 

He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt his own jeans yanked down and he was thrown into a memory, right as the pain started.

* * *

 

“ _ Omega bitch. That’s right. That’s what you are. Just a little omega bitch for me. Awww… is bitch crying?” Gabriel could still remember the last “client’s” words perfectly. He hadn’t knotted him, luckily. But, he was so big it had torn Gabriel open.  _

_ He didn’t feel the pain right now, though. All he felt was darkness settling in. He stared at the wall and curled up, not even thinking about anything else than the last five hours.  _

_ “It’s so cute when you beg me to stop.” He had sneered. Gabriel flinched from remembering the words in his head. He wished he was dead. Dead would be easier. Dead wouldn’t have a man tearing him open and slicing into his arms with a knife.  _

_ He had been bandaged up, so he didn’t have to worry about blood loss. And, he was too numb to feel the pain, anymore.  _

_ He wished he was dead. He wished he was in heaven or even Hell because, surely, hell was better than this.  _

_ “Aww, you scream so pretty.” Gabriel had only screamed a couple times before his throat was too raw to make noise.  _

_ Currently, he felt like puking. And did he mention he wished he was Dead? He reached down and touched his stomach. He knew tomorrow would be the same or worse. He knew this torture would never end until a client accidentally killed him or the Boss decided he was no longer useful and killed him.  _

_ Somehow, this sheer amount of hopelessness just didn’t affect him. He was too tired to cry again. He was in too much pain. Pain he couldn’t feel. His throat was too sore for him to scream some more.  _

_ Dead was so much easier than neverending pain. Dead was so much easier than living a life like this. He remembered a time when he was so much happier. But, it was fading. Dying. The warm orange glow fading to a grey filter and he wasn’t sure if remembering it wasn’t worse than forgetting.  _

_ If he could forget it, he could probably  cope better with the pain. And the torture. And the overwhelming desire to just die.  _

_ He was too tired to sleep. He just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. To fall asleep and dream about happier times and never wake up from that dream.  _

_ That orange creamsicle filter.  _

_ He wished he was dead. _

* * *

 

Gabriel came to completely alone. His hand was throbbing in pain and so was his ass. He was still crying and he rolled over on his side, curling up and hugging himself. He reached down and tugged up his jeans, whimpering from the pain. 

He managed to get up so he could examine his hand, getting burn ointment and wrapping it. He was barely able to process anything through the haze, but he managed to do what needed to be done on autopilot. 

He turned off the stove, ordered chinese, and then walked to his bedroom. He remembered Dean had taken Snickers and Lemmy to the vet that day… Would he have been okay if Snickers was there?

He doubted it. He would have just hurt his dog and that would have been worse. 

He laid there staring at the wall until the food got there. Then, he went to get it, paid, and set it on the table. 

He used air freshener to clear the room of the sex smell- no. Rape smell. He then curled up on the couch and whimpered when it hurt. 

He was still panicking and scared. 

Only a little bit later, Cas came home, frowning when he saw Gabriel how he was. Gabriel immediately held his arms out to his brother, letting out a small sob. 

Cas didn’t ask Gabriel any questions, just wrapped his arms around him and kissed his hair. He rocked him, a bit. 

Dean joined them when he got home, sitting on the couch beside Gabriel and passing out the food. And, they quietly ate like that.

* * *

 

The next several days, for Gabriel, were spent in a haze of pain and slight panic. Gabriel had the fear, vaguely, that Monster had gotten him pregnant.

So, he scheduled an appointment with his doctor and went in. 

He sat there on the table while she did a few regular tests, before peeing into a cup for the test. 

Then, the doctor did a few other tests after he sent in the pee cup. She frowned a lot, having to examine him inside and out. Gabriel suppressed his discomfort, just let her dig around. 

When she was done, she left Gabriel alone for a while. He had come up with the “want to go see a movie alone” excuse for why he was gonna be out that day. Cas hadn’t looked convinced, so Gabriel had to buy movie tickets online to convince him. 

He felt bad for lying, but he didn’t want anyone knowing about this. At all. He was scared of their reactions. Though, vaguely, he thought some of them didn’t care. 

It was a deeply depressing thought. But, he was so numb he couldn’t care less. He was looking at the world through a blurry filter. 

His shoulders hunched in as Brady’s face popped back into his head, crystal clear. He couldn’t blur those memories. They were added to the list of memories that would torment him for the rest of his life. A tear ran down his cheek and he came back to reality enough to wipe it off. 

All the shit he had to go through and he was raped. Would life ever stop hurting him? He seriously had to buy a notebook to write down these questions-with-no-answers. Maybe someday he might get actual answers. 

He doubted it. But, he made a mental note to get a notebook on the way home. 

The doctor came in right then and Gabriel looked up. 

“I have good news… And bad news…” She sighed. “Good news is… you’re not pregnant. Bad news? You’re sterile. Now, it’s just due to damage in your uterus…” 

Gabriel didn’t hear the rest of her words. He was sterile. He couldn’t have a baby. Because of all of his torture. He had an answer to that question. No. Life wouldn’t stop. 

He pretended to listen to everything she said, taking the pamphlets for hormone treatments and surgeries before walking home in a numb haze. He slammed the door when he went inside, let the pamphlets on the table, ignored Cas and Dean attempting to say hi, and just went to his room, shutting the door and locking it. 

He laid on the bed and screamed into the pillows, sobbing. He screamed until his throat was sore and he was lifted into his brother’s arms. Of course he had gotten in. Dean knew how to pick locks. Gabriel screamed into Cas’s shoulder. 

Cas rocked him until he calmed down. “It’s okay, Gabe… Lot’s of omegas are sterile… Besides, this is fixable…” 

Gabriel sobbed into Cas’s shoulder. Cas didn’t get it. No one would want him. He was broken, and now he couldn’t bare? He was the most unloveable omega. Sam definitely would never want him, now. 

Cas frowned and just continued to rock him and rub his back until he fell asleep.

* * *

 

Sam sighed as Ruby talked about more colours. “I dunno… Why are we thinking about this, now? It’s barely been a week…” 

Ruby huffed. “Because, Sam. It’s our biggest milestone… You don’t care about this even a little bit?”

“Baby… Of course I do. I just think it’s a little early…” Sam frowned more when Ruby refused to look at him. “Okay, okay. When are we announcing it?”

“Let’s wait a while, okay? Just until we know for certain.” Ruby looked at Sam and smiled. 

“Whatever you want.” Sam smiled and went over, kissing her, lightly.

* * *

 

_ “I don’t want kids. Dad says my omega brother can have them and continue our line.” Hanna hummed. Gabriel sat on her bed.  _

_ “Why not?” He tilted his head, frowning.  _

_ “They’re expensive and annoying. Besides, I wanna travel. I can’t do that with babies… I wouldn’t expect you to understand, though. You’re an omega.” Hanna giggled.  _

_ Gabriel didn’t understand. He’d always wanted babies. “You don’t even want someone to love you? To look up to you and call you Mommy?” _

_ “Nope. I don’t need those things to be happy.” She shook her head. “I just want a lot of money and a map.” _

_ Gabriel nodded a bit. “Well, I hope you get what you wanna, Hanna…”  _

_ “Thank you, Gabriel… Come on, let’s play a game!” _

* * *

 

Gabriel was so emotionally drained that he didn’t bother to pretend he was okay. Cas and Dean had pretty much guessed what was wrong. 

Cas had ended up growling for a full hour while Dean called and yelled at Sam for sending an alpha over to Gabriel’s apartment. 

Gabriel knew Sam was probably so confused about why Dean was yelling at him. Gabriel had received an apology text five minutes later, with a question of “are you okay?”

Gabriel still hadn’t replied to the message. He had gotten that notebook. In it, he had written, “why does life hate me?” and filled up a page with the reasons. Among them were “I was a chubby child” and “I’m an atheist.” 

It had been a week since that text and Gabriel had found a new way to torture himself. Romance movies. Romcoms hurt the most. It sucked to see people get everything he wanted. Happiness, love, children. 

A lot of times, he’d lay on the floor right where it happened and look at the ceiling. He’d lay there for hours until Cas or Dean forced him to eat and bathe himself. 

They’d set up a complete schedule for him. 8 o’clock, breakfast. Then, he had to work, usually. So, they helped him make his lunch and then dropped him off. 

Then, when he got home, he’d lie on the floor where it happened until Cas got off work. Cas would then force him to eat and then leave him alone on the couch to watch a movie while he greeted Dean as he came home from work. 

Nine o’clock was shower time, then he had to go to bed. He was so numb that he could actually look at himself and not panic. 

Ten o’clock was bedtime. Cas and Dean took turns sharing a room with him. Sometimes, on particularly bad nights, they’d both share. But, Gabriel’s bed was barely set up for two people, let alone three. So, it was a tight fit. 

He had nightmares when he was alone. So, he was grateful for the company. Not to mention, Dean and Cas offered a promise of not being hurt, again. As long as he was with both of them, he knew he was safe. 

He knew they knew this and that was why they spent as much time as possible with him. He needed them too bad to care about possibly being a nuisance to the pair. 

On his days off, if Cas and Dean were working, he’d sprawl out on the couch and look at the ceiling or watch another stupid romcom. Sometimes, he’d watch the bachelorette or other dating shows. If only it was that easy. 

If he really wanted to torture himself with false hope, he’d watch Law & Order: SVU to give himself the illusion that his rapist would be caught. Ironically, his torturer was still on trial. They had to prepare witness statements from every omega and so far, not a lot of them had been cleared by their therapists or psychiatrists to give a testimony or statement. 

Gabriel was one of them. Ellen definitely did not think he was anywhere near ready to give this statement. And Gabriel was one of the five wanted on the stand. Ellen didn’t want him anywhere near that court until his ptsd was even a little better. 

Gabriel didn’t want to ever be on that court, either. Because he knew he’d have to see the boss, again. And he couldn’t. He’d avoided any and all news reports of the rescue, and the current ones about the progress of the trial. When he accidentally stumbled onto anything about it on social media, it was clear a lot of people were angry the omegas couldn’t just give their statements already. 

“Who cares if they’re not mentally ready? That man needs to be locked up. They should just suck it up.”

“Just goes to show how emotionally vulnerable omegas really are.”

“Maybe a lot of them deserved it and they don’t want to risk showing it.”

“It’s been four years! How long does it take to recover??”

Gabriel felt like puking when he accidentally read them. It was taking him so long to recover. Didn’t they understand that someone didn’t just get over that?  Especially not that long of torture. 

The worst part was that sometimes people addressed him directly. They mentioned him by name because he was testifying at the trial. The other four were fairly open and weren’t so private about their lives.

But Gabriel wasn’t. He kept his personal life under lock and key. He didn’t actually use the social media he had. And, he didn’t put his real name on any of it. Everyone seemed to find this “suspicious” and a lot wanted to know what he was hiding. Why he was hiding. 

Gabriel really hated other people.

* * *

 

Gabriel looked at the outfit he was wearing. Dark jeans and his black hoodie. Neutral colours. He’d blend into the dark club. An omega strip club was the place picked. 

Gabriel couldn’t wait. Monster had suggested it to everyone else and naturally, Gabriel didn’t get a say in any of it. The worst part was that he couldn’t say no. He couldn’t say no to going to Sam’s bachelor party. Because it was Sam. Sam would probably understand. But he’d still feel like an ass. 

Cas and Dean had tried everything but tell Sam that he couldn’t be anywhere near Bra- Monster. 

“I’m sorry…” Cas sighed and helped straighten Gabriel’s hoodie. “Whenever you want to leave, you can. Me and Dean’ll come with you. Okay?” 

Gabriel nodded a bit and fidgeted with his sleeves. He hugged Cas, after a moment, before pulling away and going out to the car. Dean and Cas were gonna be in front, so Gabriel got in the back, trying to mentally prepare himself for this party. 

The overwhelming thought was that he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t go to a strip club. And he couldn’t be near monster. Monster scared him a whole lot more than the strip club. 

“You okay, Gabriel?” Dean asked, softly. 

Gabriel just shrugged and leaned on the door, looking out the window. He tuned out the rest of the car drive. Luckily, he could tell neither Dean nor Cas attempted to talk to him. So, he didn’t feel too bad about it. 

When they got to the club, Gabriel stayed behind Cas and Dean, almost hiding. Sam was over, immediately, to hug Gabriel. Gabriel cringed away from the touch, not liking it. Sam frowned a bit. “Hey.. You okay?” 

Gabriel shrugged and looked around for Cas, wandering off to the bar. Without thinking, he looked around for monster. Monster was chatting to another groomsmen and wasn’t looking at Gabriel. He was far away from the bar, too, so Gabriel didn’t have to worry, much. The bartender was one of the omega strippers, so Gabriel didn’t feel too threatened. 

“Gabriel?” The bartended sounded surprised. 

Gabriel looked up and his eyes widened. “Oh my god, Kevin!” His face broke into a smile, before he frowned. “You work in a strip club, now?”

Kevin was one of the omegas who was captured. He was only three years younger than Gabriel. He hadn’t had it nearly as bad as Gabriel, since he was only captive for a year before being rescued. “Yeah. I picked up skills from underground and… well, I’m going to college, now. I needed something to help pay.”

Gabriel nodded a bit and sighed. “I couldn’t imagine working as a stripper. Taking a shower can trigger me, sometimes.”

“I get it, man. It was hard for me, at first. But, my year doesn’t really compare to six of yours.” He smiled sympathetically. “How have you been?” 

“Honestly? Shitty. Completely shitty. The last four years have been awful. I work at a library, now. I also have a dog and a cat. A kitten, actually. Snickers is the dog. The kitten is named Lemon Sour. Dean calls her Lemmy.” He and Kevin had stayed in touch for a year before drifting apart, afterwards. SO, Kevin knew about his personal life. 

Gabriel was finding it way easier to open up to another omega. Especially one who knew what he went through a bit more personally. 

Kevin smiled and nodded, getting Gabriel a drink. “That’s cool. My mom insisted I stay living with her until a year ago, so now I live in a dorm on campus. I’m not allowed pets, though. I work here, obviously. Works best for my hours.”

Gabriel nodded a bit before sighing and putting his head in his hands. He wanted to outright tell Kevin what happened to him. “People are assholes.” He mumbled, as his mind drifted back to the thoughts on the trial. “You know how the trial is still on pause because a lot of us are “unfit” to give a statement to the police?”

“Yeah. You’re one of the five that are supposed to give a testimony, right?” Kevin frowned, again. “People aren’t having too positive of a reaction to it lasting this long. I get it, though, man. I was already able to give a testimony, due to not having too much emotional damage. But, I get it if you can’t.”

“I don’t want to have to stand in front of a court and have to see Asm- him, again.” He sighed, looking up at Kevin. “And, I’m the last one of the five to have to give a statement. My therapist doesn’t want to clear it, yet.” He sighed. “And, recently, something happened… that just makes me never want to go in public, again, if I don’t have to.” 

“What happened?” Kevin frowned, deeper, pausing what he was doing. 

“I… I was… raped again. And, afterwards, I did what I was supposed to and got a pregnancy and std check. And… I’m sterile.” It was hard to get out. It was hard to admit. But, he knew Kevin would understand. Kevin was born sterile. So, he wouldn’t judge too harshly. 

“Oh my god, that’s terrible. Have you told anyone?” Kevin gasped. 

“No… I’m too scared. What if the police don’t believe me?” Gabriel bit his lip. 

Kevin looked like he wanted to disagree for a moment before sighing. “They probably won’t. They might think you were having sex and just got panicky. What about the sterile thing? Is it fixable?”

“Yeah, but it requires hormone treatments and surgeries and that just makes me want to vomit.” Gabriel sighed. 

“I see. Maybe it’d be worth it, though. If you want children, that is.” Kevin smiled, softly. “I mean, if it’s too scary, definitely don’t. But maybe consider it before you ditch the idea, completely. So… I’m curious, why are you here?”

“Remember me telling you about the guy I’m in love with?” Gabriel sighed, continuing when he saw Kevin nod. “Well, it’s his bachelor party. He’s engaged. So, I felt bad for ditching, since I’m a groomsman. And, the worse part is… he’s here. The guy who… raped me.”

“I’m so sorry. Where is he?” Kevin looked almost mad. But, he was smart enough to leave it alone. 

Gabriel pointed him out before looking down at the counter. “I’ll still have to see him, again. A lot. Dean and Cas are tempted to kill him. I keep trying to convince them that isn’t a good idea.” 

“Probably isn’t. Murder is a crime.” Kevin joked, chuckling a little. 

Gabriel appreciated the small amount of humor, snorting out a little laugh. “A really big crime. I really missed you, by the way.”

“I missed you, too. We should hang out.” Kevin smiled. “Do you still have my number?”

“Definitely. I’ll text you, later.” Gabriel smiled. He was glad this whole thing wouldn’t be so bad. And, talking to Kevin, again, would certainly help. Kevin understood the best out of all of his friends. He’d know exactly how Gabriel felt, sometimes.  “I can’t do it” slowly turned into, ‘maybe I can”, again.

He ended up just chatting to Kevin the rest of the night, actually smiling when he left with Cas and Dean. Both looked shocked, but didn’t question it. Gabriel leaned on the door, actually having enjoyed the night. 

He was so happy, he barely noticed the fact his made bed was messed up until he was going to bed. He frowned. He’d made it right before getting dressed. But, Cas had stayed in his room for a while before, so he probably had messed it up looking for something. 

He just shrugged it off as he laid down, waiting for either Cas or Dean to join him. Snickers jumped onto the bed, after a moment, and snuggled up to Gabriel. Gabriel kissed his head and smiled. “Hey, buddy… Miss me?”

Snickers licked Gabriel’s face, before curling up and falling asleep. 

Gabriel fell asleep soon after, before Cas managed to join him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Classes are done for the summer so I can finally get back to writing, guys! Be proud!


	5. I'm still not okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel is struggling through daily life at this point. And on top of that, he has to see and talk to a very unwanted person.

****

_ Hands were tugging, yanking, pulling the omega underwater and he was starting to be unable to breathe. He tried to claw his way back to the surface, but all that did was make them drag him harder. The water turned red around him and he smelled the iron taste of blood.  _

_ A blue onesie passed over his head and he heard a baby crying. He screamed, but only red bubbles came out. Then, the water started to drain.  _

_ He looked around when the water drained, stark white walls becoming more visible. He was in a hospital room. He felt intense pain in his lower regions.  _

_ Someone was standing in the corner of the room that Gabriel could have sworn wasn’t there before. They were carrying a baby in their arms. The one that was crying. It was quiet, now, rocked to sleep by the person who owned the arms they were in.  “You did it… my beautiful omega…” The person said.  _

_ Gabriel’s eyes widened as he recognized Sam’s voice. He went to get up but realised he was restrained. He gasped and tugged. Sam looked up and smirked. “Thank you… We’re really grateful.” _

_ We’re? Gabriel tugged harder until he saw Ruby enter the room and his struggles stopped. But, his eyes only got wider in horror when he saw Ruby take the baby and kiss her head.  _

_ Sam slowly came over and stroked Gabriel’s hair. “Thank you…”  _

_ Gabriel felt something plunge into his chest and he screamed.  _

_ The room faded away as he screamed, but he felt only ghost pain. The restraints turned to dust and he stopped screaming after the pain faded with the room. Blood was dripping down his chest, he could feel it. But, there was no pain.  _

_ The room was filled with mirrors. He went to one and he could see his body, but he couldn’t see his face. Where his face was supposed to be, there was only obscured vision.  _

_ But, then he saw the boss behind him. He whipped around, but there was no one there, only a mirror. He finally noticed he was in a hospital gown, backing up into the mirror behind him.  _

_ He knocked it over and shattered it, falling with it. And falling through the ground.  _

_ Falling, falling, falling. Until, he hit padding. Everything was padded and he couldn’t move his arms.  _

_ “Clinically insane,” he heard. The voice came from nowhere. “Diagnosed as broken. Nobody wanted him, so he’s here.” _

_ Gabriel tried to scream, but no sound came out. Then, he heard it, again. A baby crying. The room filled with water and once again, he was being tugged down by the hands. But, this time, they had faces.  _

_ Omegas he recognized that were killed in front of him. Or he was forced to partner with. Or were tortured with him. He didn’t fight it, this time. Instead, he let himself be pulled down. “My wonderful pet…”  _

_ It all went black. _

 

Gabriel had stopped talking since he had received the text. Cas and Dean couldn’t get a word out of him. Or any reaction at all for that matter. All they received was a blank stare, before Gabriel went back up to his room. 

Gabriel knew it was bad to do this. To hide inside his head. His head usually was so dangerous, but he could hide from the memories this way, too. 

Ellen hadn’t okayed the testimony, yet. But, she had decided he should try and talk to the boss. He would be completely safe, she said. There would be thick bulletproof glass separating them. He couldn’t lay a hand on him. 

He’d still manage to find a way to get to Gabriel. 

Gabriel threw up everytime he thought about it. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him. He was going to have to see him.

Gabriel couldn’t stop repeating it, over and over. It was completely terrifying. 

But, Gabriel was allowed to bring one person. Ellen would be there, no doubt. But, he had to bring one person. Sam was busy with… Ruby. And the thing that he refused to think about. Ever. 

Cas would find a way to break the bulletproof glass and kill him. Gabriel didn’t want him to have to go to prison. 

Dean would also do the same. Or use Cas’s thought out method of breaking bulletproof glass. 

So, Gabriel wasn’t sure who to ask. He would feel selfish for asking Kevin. Kevin may have been less traumatized, but he still panicked when the boss was brought up. 

Gabriel could always ask his Dad. He knew that. But, he wasn’t sure how his father would end up acting. He was a generally calm man, but being an omega, himself, it made it hard to figure out. 

Plus, he’d have to leave the hiding spot in his head, long enough, to send the text. Or worse, call him. 

Maybe he could just go with Ellen. He was sure she’d allow it. 

 

_ Gabriel curled up, crying from pain from burns. All over his skin. Nowhere he rolled hurt any less and it was agony.  _

_ On top of that, he had his face imprinted in his mind. Lightly graying longer hair, light stubble that was clearly always shaven to look like a five o’clock shadow, and that suit… a red suit. He wore a white mask, but he took it off when he followed the guards carrying him back to his cell.  _

_ He tried to forget it, to think about something else. But he couldn’t. His face just kept reappearing. He hugged himself as he curled up more and cried harder from the pain.  _

_ He missed his dad. His dad would wrap him in his arms and kiss his head and tell him not to cry, anymore. He’d sing him to sleep and remind him he was safe.  _

_ But he wasn’t safe. And he couldn’t stop crying.  _

_ So, he sang to himself. He sang a song he never learned the name of to himself, quietly so only he could hear.  _

_ The pain slowly numbed as the dark in his head became more appealing. He was always scared of the dark.  _

_ But after the month he had already experienced, he felt being scared of the dark was stupid. There were far worse things to fear.  _

 

Gabriel frowned as he came back to reality. He felt soaking wet. And he was outside. At night. 

He could recognize his Dad’s door right as it opened and his Dad stepped out. “Gabriel?? What are you doing here??”

Gabriel let out a sob, not realising he was crying. “Dad?” He whimpered and hugged him. He felt the pouring down rain still falling on him and he didn’t care.

His Dad’s arms wrapped around him and he felt himself be pulled into the house. 

His father pulled away and made Gabriel sit, getting a towel to wrap around him and a large fluffy blanket. “Are you okay?”

Gabriel shook his head. “I have to see him… I can’t… I can’t do it… I can’t look at him… I can’t-” He was cut off by his Dad’s arms once again wrapping themselves around Gabriel and he felt lips being pressed to his hair. 

He relaxed and sobbed into his shoulder. “I’m so scared to see him, again… I can’t do this…”

“I know, Gabriel… I know… But you are going to have to… Sometimes, we have to do things we can’t do…” He murmured and rubbed his back. “You’ve done so many things to prove your strength, already… This is just the next weight…” 

“Can I stay here? Just tonight…” Gabriel quietly asked, hoping the answer wasn’t no.

“Of course. You can sleep in your old room… Or the couch, if you prefer.” He felt his father’s smile in his hair and he closed his eyes. 

“I’ll take the couch…” He mumbled, feeling his tears dry. “Can you sing the song you used to to me? Sorry, I just… I need to hear it, again…” 

“Of course…” Chuck nodded. He softly started to sing to Gabriel. Gabriel relaxed more and took deep breaths. 

As the words soaked into his skin with the rainwater, Gabriel felt all of his panic soothed and eased. He was still scared, but he realised he didn’t have to worry about it, so much. Not while his Dad was there. 

After a bit, Gabriel was able to pull away. “Thank you…” He mumbled and smiled weakly at his Dad. 

“Of course. Would you like a few pillows?” His Dad asked. 

Gabriel nodded and got the blanket set up while his Dad grabbed some extra pillows. Gabriel took them when he brought them over and set them up as well, laying down. “Thank you…” He mumbled. 

“You’re welcome. Need anything else?”

Gabriel shook his head before biting his lip and hesitating. “I… need to bring someone with me… I can’t take Cas or Dean because they would… well, it wouldn’t be pretty… And, Sam is busy with Ruby. Can you go?”

“When is it?” He frowned.

“Next week… On Wednesday.” He fidgeted. 

“I’m free that day. I’ll go. You should sleep.” His dad ruffled his hair before leaving to his room. 

Normally, Gabriel panicked when he was alone, but he felt okay right now… Safe. So, he managed to fall asleep fairly fast. 

 

Gabriel wasn’t sure how long he was out of it, but he knew his brother was worried about him. He was back in reality, again. And, he noticed the worried looks his brother was giving him. “Can… Can you make pancakes?” He asked, in a hoarse voice. Not using it apparently wrecked it. 

He attempted to clear his throat and ignore the shocked expression on his brother’s face. 

“Of course? Do you want chocolate chips in them?” Cas immediately started making them. Gabriel noticed the clock on the stove said 3:00. Funny. It felt like the morning…

“Yes… Th-... Thank you…” He went to the couch and sat down, curling up. Dean was there so he snuggled up to him. “Wh-What are you watching?” 

Dean also looked very shocked but he answered, clearly attempting to hide the surprise. “A disney movie.” He never watched anything with Gabriel’s triggers at Gabriel’s apartment. Even if he wasn’t there. Gabriel appreciated it. 

“Oh…” He looked at the screen and watched the movie with Dean. He thanked Cas for the pancakes when he brought them over and ate them, quietly.

He’d lost some weight, he realised, as he felt a suddenly appearing pang in his stomach subside. He looked down at himself and touched his ribs, feeling them through his shirt. He frowned, deeply. “How long was I out of it?” 

“Three weeks. Since we picked you up from Dad’s? Three days.” Cas answered, rubbing Gabriel’s arm. “We were really worried.” 

“Did I… make up the text about Sam… and Ruby?” Gabriel was afraid of the answer. It was so stupid. But, he had to know. 

“No. She’s… pregnant. I’m sorry, Gabriel. I know it must hurt…” Cas held Gabriel close and rubbed his back. 

Gabriel felt his heart break all over again and he felt like crying. He didn’t say anything after that, just ate his food and watched the movie, trying to keep a hurricane at bay inside him. 

He knew it would happen, eventually. But not so soon. She was having a baby. With Sam. Something he couldn’t do. He’d never shape up, now.

After the movie was over, the hurricane won and he broke into sobs. “I have to see him… and she’s pregnant…” He sobbed and clung to his brother’s shirt, curling up more to him. 

His brother kept him close and he felt Dean hug him from behind. “We got you, Gabe… You’re okay…” 

“I won’t be, though!” He cried, wanting to scream it. “I have to see him. I can’t- I don’t- I have to see him!” He could hear his name repeated over and over, a voice laughing it at him. He gripped Cas’s shirt harder, gasping for air. 

Cas held him tightly and rocked him through the whole panic attack, stroking his hair to calm him. 

As Gabriel calmed down, his chest heaved as dry sobs went through his body. “I’m scared, Cas…” He whispered. 

“I know, Gabe. I know. But, he won’t be able to hurt you, you know that. And, Dad will be there. You don’t think he’ll let you get hurt, do you?”

Gabriel thought about it for a bit before shaking his head. “He wouldn’t…” He relaxed and closed his eyes.

Gabriel never did have any trouble falling asleep when Cas and Dean were there. It was scary to realise but he was starting to be really attached to them. Luckily, they didn’t seem to mind. 

As he was cuddled, he drifted off to sleep, smiling the smallest bit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for it being so short. I've not been having a great time, lately, and writing has been a struggle.


	6. It Happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel has a shitty dinner with Sam and Ruby and then meets the Boss after four years of only seeing him in memories. Things aren't looking all that great for Gabe. Then he gets a life shattering text.

He did his best to remain in reality after that, reassured that people were there for him. It was currently the day before he had to see… Him and he was doing his best to just not think about it. 

Cas and Dean had told Gabriel that Sam and Ruby wanted to have dinner with them. “Why can’t I stay home?” He mumbled. 

“Because we… we just don’t want you home alone. Not if you don’t have to be, okay?” Cas murmured in reply and gently hugged Gabriel. “We’ll have to talk about the baby. You know that. But, we’ll try to keep away from any triggering topics. Okay?”

Gabriel nodded a bit and looked down. “Okay…” He really didn’t want to have to go. He just wanted to stay home and curl up watching more rom coms and eating cake and pizza. 

But, Cas and Dean were worried about leaving Gabriel alone so he decided he wouldn’t put too much of a fight up so they wouldn’t have to worry so much. 

“Thank you, Gabriel. I love you so much, you know that?” Cas smiled and kissed Gabriel’s hair. He helped Gabriel find a hoodie and put it on before finding his shoes for him and handing them to him. 

Gabriel quietly thanked his brother before putting the shoes on, “I think I need new shoes…” He mumbled. “These are getting holes.” 

“We’ll take you out for new shoes tomorrow, okay?” Cas kissed his hair again before heading to check if Dean was ready. 

Dean came back with Cas a few moments later and they headed out to the car with Gabriel. Gabriel got in the back and looked out the window, stuffing his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. Cas had put his scent all over the hoodie for Gabriel, so he felt safe at work. He snuggled into it, relaxing. 

Gabriel’s nose was messed up. He had trouble with scenting, unless the smell was right there. He could still smell who were omegas, betas, and alphas. But beyond that was nearly impossible. But, he didn’t mind. He never got headaches. 

His brother smelled like rain and ink, though. He always had. Dean smelled like leather and whiskey. And Sam… Sam smelled like heaven. Though, Gabriel always had trouble figuring out what he smelled like. Since he rarely got close enough to smell him. 

Apparently, when he was little, Gabriel smelled like warm vanilla. Then that developed into fresh baked sugar cookies when he was a teenager. His family always joked that he had developed by being baked into a little cookie. Or that he smelled like that because he loved sweets. Now, he was told he smelled like laundry detergent. Which made him realise he didn’t have a smell anymore. His brother said he had trouble figuring out Gabriel’s emotions when he scented him. Said he couldn’t smell past the fear and depression. 

Though, when Gabriel got really happy, Cas said he could smell a hint of fresh cotton candy in the air. 

Gabriel smiled a bit as he thought about it. Sometimes, he felt like crap because he didn’t have a scent. But, leave it to Cas to manage to make him feel better. 

“Hey, you okay? You’re quiet?” Dean was turned around, looking at Gabriel. Since he wasn’t driving. 

“Yeah, I’m okay… Just remembering something. Cassie, remember how dad used to say I smelled like sugar cookies because of all the sweets I ate?” Gabriel smiled a bit more. 

“Of course I remember that. You were a sweet little kid. And you smelled sweet, too. I think Dad called you vanilla drop when you still smelled like vanilla. Everytime he put you somewhere, he’d say “now just a drop of vanilla goes in”. And you’d giggle each time... “ Cas smiled softly as he remembered. 

Gabriel felt just that much better at the memory. “I miss that time.” He mumbled. 

“Me too, Gabe.” Cas sighed and looked in the rear view mirror at Gabriel. 

Dean sniffed the air. “Hey, do you… smell cotton candy?” 

Gabriel perked up before gasping. “Hey, that’s me!” He smiled brightly, brighter than he had in awhile. According to Dean’s face, his smell just got stronger as he got happier and even Gabriel could smell it. “I smell like cotton candy, now!” 

“Yeah, and it smells pretty fresh, too. I’ve been smelling it for weeks, now, but it wasn’t strong enough to pin down a source. Gabe, why don’t we get you scent enhancers? That way, you can smell your own scent a lot more.” 

Gabriel hesitated for a moment before nodding. “That’s a good idea!” He was pretty excited to be able to smell himself and have others smell him more. 

Dean smiled at him, but for some reason, the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. It worried Gabriel, but he knew Dean wouldn’t be too quick to open up right now. So, he just pushed it to the side for now. 

All too soon, they had reached Sam and Ruby’s house and Gabriel swallowed before getting out of the car and going in behind Cas and Dean. He greeted Sam with a little wave and politely greeted Ruby. 

“Sam, babe, I thought we only invited Sam and Cas,” Ruby said, not quite out of earshot.

“I know, but it’s okay that Gabriel came. He’s a friend, too.” Sam murmured. He glanced at Gabriel, who really just wanted to go home. He knew he wasn’t wanted there. 

Cas, on the other hand, was clearly struggling to keep his features calm. He smiled as Sam greeted them, and then kept a neutral expression as Ruby spoke to Sam. Gabriel appreciated it. He really didn’t want a scene. 

Sam led them to the kitchen, attempting to chat with Gabriel. But, Gabriel only gave half-assed responses, not having the energy to even try. All the happiness from earlier in the car was just gone. Sam soon got the hint and talked to Dean instead as they sat down to eat. As Gabriel got his food, he looked at it, and felt like he was about to puke. It was chicken with some kind of orange sauce with oranges floating in it. Oranges were a trigger. It seemed stupid to everyone else. But the amount of times he’d had an orange with… with… her…

 

_ Gabriel smiled as Hanna gave him another orange. He was in her room. For some reason, lately, he’d been made to wear a collar and stay attached to the bed. But, he didn’t mind. Hanna said it was her dad who was insisting on it. And, even Hanna wouldn’t disobey The Boss.  _

_ Gabriel ate the orange pieces he was given as Hanna put little braids in his hair. “You’re so pretty.” She commented.  _

_ Gabriel flushed. It wasn’t uncommon for her to make those comments. In the beginning, it made him a little nervous. But, now, he just accepted them as compliments. Which, he was sure they were. “Thank you!” He smiled, eating another orange piece.  _

_ Hanna played with his hair for a bit longer before sitting in front of Gabriel. “Daddy says you’re his favorite. Says you’re well behaved now that you’re with me.”  _

_ Gabriel frowned a bit. She’d never said that before. “Oh…”  _

_ Hanna just smiled and unhooked his leash. “Come on. You need a bath.” She helped him to stand up and get to the bathroom.  _

_ After his bath, he went to bed and fell asleep, only to later be woken to strange noise. It sounded like struggling. “Gabe! Gabe wake up! Go get my dad!” Before even looking, Gabriel ran off to get the boss, knowing his room well. The Boss occasionally “borrowed” Gabriel.  _

_ When he found him, he tried to explain. Immediately, he was knocked to the side as a loud scream could be heard through the “house” and Gabriel’s eyes widened. He followed The Boss out and to Hanna’s room, eyes widening as he saw a man standing over Hanna. She was bleeding from her chest, but was already obviously dead.  _

_ Gabriel staggered backwards and covered his mouth with his hand, sinking to the floor. She was dead? But how… she was so strong… how… _

 

Gabriel looked around when he came back to reality. Dean and Cas’s eyes were filled with concern as they tried to get his attention. “Gabe? You okay?” Cas asked softly. Gabriel blinked away forming tears and nodded. 

He looked at Sam and Ruby, frowning as he noticed they were trying to subtly argue. It wasn’t very subtle, really. But the other three decided to ignore it and pretend it was. And to not flinch when Gabriel’s name was said. 

But, eventually, Gabriel just couldn’t take it anymore. He dismissed himself to go to the bathroom and looked around as he found his way their. He was tired of everyone skirting around his mental illness. Well, everyone besides Dean and Cas. He just wanted someone to not sheepishly try to find a “nice” synonym for depression. He was depressed. Period. The same went for PTSD and anxiety. 

Once he came back, the mood at the table was very subdued. Dean looked anxious. Cas looked subtly angry. Sam looked sheepish but irritated. And Ruby looked… well, actually, to be honest, she looked a little smug. 

“So, me and Sam chose nursery colours, yesterday. We decided on purple and green and dragons!” Ruby immediately said once Gabriel sat down. 

Gabriel picked at his food and rolled his eyes as he stared at his plate. Dragons. Of course dragons. Oh no, nothing but dragons. Wait, where was this sarcasm coming from? Usually his inner monologue was more scared and frightened. Not cynical and sarcastic. 

Dean made a comment how that was nice. “Me and Cas were considering kids. But… no thanks. Neither of us have the patience.” Gabriel knew that was bullshit. Both of them put up with Gabriel. They had the patience. But Dean was terrified of childbirth. And both were terrified of going through what Chuck went through with what happened to Gabriel. Gabriel didn’t blame them. He would be scared, too. Luckily, kids weren’t a concern, though. 

“So, Gabriel. Any news?” Sam asked, after a moment, smiling. 

Gabriel thought for a moment and looked at Sam. When he looked at Sam, he suddenly got so angry. Here he was, acting completely nice and innocent! Acting like being in Gabriel’s presence wasn’t causing unbearable heartache. But, Gabriel just slumped and shook his head. “No. Not recently.” He mumbled and went back to eating. 

Dean frowned, noticing Gabriel’s off behaviour. He tried to catch Gabriel’s eye to ask what was wrong, but Gabriel avoided his eyes. 

“Oh. Okay.” Sam mumbled, frowning as well. He continued eating. 

Gabriel sighed softly and just silently ate his food. He knew he had made everything awkward, but he really just didn’t want to deal with Sam’s sweet personality  at the moment. And the fact he was oblivious to any of Gabriel’s feelings. Even the ones that weren’t directed towards him. 

Sam awkwardly started up a conversation with Cas about something random. He brought up Brady a few times and once again, that sick feeling was back. Cas was doing a fairly decent job at staying calm. While Sam knew something had happened, he didn’t know who did it.. Or what happened. 

Gabriel closed his eyes and tried to ignore the flashback, not surprised another one was happening. He got frustrated and shoved it out of his head, flinching again when he heard Brady’s name yet again. 

Sam had definitely noticed this time. “Gabe?” 

“Stop.” He muttered. “I’m calling a cab. And I’m going home.” He stood and politely dumped his plate in the trash, rinsed it off, and set it in the dish caddy before turning and walking out. 

Ruby looked appalled. “How rude.” She mumbled, not that quietly. 

Gabriel snorted and rolled his eyes. “How ironic.” He mumbled, not that quietly, either. He grabbed his coat and left the house. Luckily, the sun was still up. He knew Dean and Cas would politely excuse themselves to leave as well. His gut twisted in guilt. He really should have insisted on staying home. They could have had a nice dinner without his problems fucking everything up. 

“Gabe- Gabe wait!” He whipped around, surprised to hear Sam’s voice. 

“Sam?” He was confused. Why was Sam the one coming after him? So many times, Sam had neither cared nor noticed when he got in a mood. 

“Please stay.” Sam said, closing the door behind him. “Look, I know I haven’t been the most… uh… considerate host, but-” 

“You think that’s the problem?” Gabriel asked, taken back. Really?? He thought that was the problem?? He wasn’t a good enough host? Jeez, Sam really was oblivious.

“Well… if it’s not, then what is it?” He frowned. 

Gabriel looked up at Sam before sighing and shaking his head. “Why are you so goddamn oblivious, Sam?” He muttered, under his breath. He looked back up at Sam and looked into those dumbass puppy eyes. He was considerate, when he knew what was going on. And it really wasn’t his fault that Gabriel never opened up to him. Gabriel knew that. He really was unfair to him. 

Gabriel thought about it and smiled. “It’s not you, Sam. Don’t worry. Just my problems. I’m gonna go home.”

“Let me drive you, at least. So you feel safe.” Sam tried. 

Gabriel gave in and nodded. “Alright…” He gave another smile. Sam looked pretty surprised. Which, ironically, didn’t surprise Gabriel. He surprised everyone with his smile. 

“Awesome.” Sam smiled back and reached in the house, grabbing his keys off the hook and then leading Gabriel to his car. 

Gabriel stayed silent after that, only speaking to thank him for opening his door. But the curtains were open and the front window had a clear view to the dining room. And when Gabriel looked in, he saw Ruby shoot daggers at him with a glare. 

 

Gabriel smiled as he thought about the last couple days. Ever since that dinner, he had put in an actual effort to talk to Sam about his problems. And he finally opened up to him about… well, almost everything. He still didn’t know about Brady. Or his feelings towards him. But, he knew everything else. He’d even told him about some of the memories. 

And now, he was telling his therapist about Hanna. “She was my best friend in that hell hole. Yeah, she… made questionable comments about me. But she seemed to actually care. And she kept me safe and protected. She was just brainwashed by her dad.” 

“I’m glad you had some kind of light.” Ellen smiled. “You’ve come so far since our first session.” 

“I feel much better since then, too. I still feel awful. But I am starting to try to take baths again. Wear prettier clothing. I bought a pair of thigh highs, yesterday, and almost cried when I tried them on. Bought the first pair of shorts I’d ever owned. Cargo and they’re ,loose and go to my knees, but still.” Gabriel smiled. The smile felt way more comfortable, now, than it ever had. “I’m still depressed and some days, I just can’t get out of bed, but I think… I think I’m finally ready to see him.” 

“Really? That’s good.” Ellen nodded.  _ “Let’s go see him.”  _

_ Gabriel looked confused. “What do you mean?”  _

_ Ellen gave a grin and went and opened the door after hearing a knock.  _

_ “Welcome back, Gabriel.” Gabriel’s eyes went wide as he heard that familiar and slimy smooth voice. “I’ve missed you so much…”  _

_ Gabriel then dropped and hit concrete, looking in horror as he recognized a rickety cot and the light faded out.  _

 

Gabriel jolted awake with a scream, looking around frantically and relaxing as he recognized his bedroom. He started to cry from both fear and relief, remembering what that day was. 

He would have to see him. 

He wasn’t prepared, at all. But he still had several hours to sleep. So he decided to focus on that. He took a breath and laid back down. 

It wasn’t easy, but he managed to fall back asleep. 

He woke up to his brother gently waking him up. “Dad’s here to drive you.” 

Gabriel nodded and went to the kitchen, got a small breakfast, before going out to the car. Ellen was gonna meet them at the prison. 

His dad smiled as he got in. “Good Morning.” 

“Morning.” He mumbled and attempted a smile. 

His dad then started to drive, getting quiet. Gabriel was grateful. He didn’t know if he’d be able to handle conversation at the moment. Not with his growing anxiety. As they drove to the prison, Gabriel watched the scenery pass by, feeling more and more scared.

As his dad parked, he tensed up. “D-Dad, I don’t think-”

“Shh, shh. I know it’s scary, Gabe, but you’re strong enough to handle it. Okay?” His dad murmured. “I promise I’ll be right there.”

Gabriel nodded a bit and got out of the car, stuffing his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking. His Dad got out soon after him and then they walked in together, with Gabriel keeping his head ducked down a bit. They were searched and Gabriel did his best not to notice the alpha guard use the opportunity to feel him up. They were then led to the visitor room where Gabriel was both surprised and alarmed to see him just sitting at a table, wearing nothing but cuffs in order to restrain him. Of course, he was wearing the prison jumper. He almost walked back out, angry and terrified. 

How dare Ellen do this to him?! How dare she just let them bring him out in the open. Didn’t she know how dangerous he was to Gabriel?? He was carefully led to the table by his father, who Gabriel could see was doing a terrible job at constraining his anger. As he sat down, Ellen quietly explained that this was all they could do. 

The Boss had watched Gabriel walk in with a smirk and an amused expression. Gabriel hated that expression. He’d seen it too many times on that man- monster’s face. He wanted to grab his head and slam- He stopped and frowned as the thought jumped in. Seriously, where was all of this coming from?

He lowered his head as Ellen frowned again. But, soon, he was forced to talk. Gabriel did actually have questions. How was scum like this allowed to still breathe? “Why me?” He didn’t even mean to ask that. He tried again. “Why.. me?” He frowned and looked confused. 

The boss raised an eyebrow and laughed. “Why you? You were vulnerable. Easy to grab.”

Gabriel searched inside himself and tried to figure out if he was satisfied with that answer. “That’s… Not what I meant. Why was I so… special to you?”

The boss then rolled his eyes. “Special? Dear, you weren’t special to anyone but my daughter. Even there, she’d had others like you. Little pets that she pitied. She usually picked the smallest and weakest one to “protect” until I broke them. Then she’d throw them away. With good reason, too. You were close to broken before she-” He cut off and looked genuinely sad. 

Gabriel made a choked sound. No. He was lying. That wasn’t true. It wasn’t. It couldn’t be true. 

The boss continued. “It was almost sad to see how attached you were to her. Willing to do anything for Hanna. For the girl who’d taken you out of that.” He laughed and Gabriel covered his ears, feeling like his head was under water again. He hated that laugh. He wanted to scream but just covered his ears tighter, gasping for air. 

That monster was in cuffs, yet he felt restrained. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t. 

Ellen touched his arm and he looked over at her, relaxing at her concerned expression as she soothed him. “Hey… It’s okay…” 

Gabriel slowly uncovered his ears and looked down at his lap. He wanted to leave. Maybe Ellen would let him leave. Maybe he could just tell her to fuck off and stick up for himself for once. 

Ellen rubbed his arm and he suddenly lashed out, hitting her hand away. “No! I told you I couldn’t and you didn’t listen! The one person I actually trusted and you still didn’t listen! Why doesn’t anybody listen?!” He got up and shook his head. “I can’t do this. Stop making me.” 

His head jerked in the boss’s direction as he heard him start to laugh again. He screamed and fell in his attempt to back away. To leave. He scrambled back to his feet and his dad was quick to help him leave, getting him out to the car and hugging him, murmuring calming things while Gabriel sobbed, unsure when the tears actually started. 

His father rubbed his back for about twenty minutes. Or was it five? Or an hour? And then pulled away, driving Gabriel home. On the way, Gabriel got a text and that was when the world truly crashed around him. 

Dean was in a coma in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What???????? A chapter?????????????????????????? Yeah, you have one person to thank for this update and that is the angel who commented on it.


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